*Sugar Test*
*Sardar enters kitchen, opens sugar box, looks inside and closes it. This he does again and again. Why? Because the doctor told him to check sugar level regularly.
**
Apple in a Mango Tree*
*Sardar climbed a tree. Monkey asked: "Too uper kyon aaya?" Sardar: "Apple Khane" Monkey: "Yeh to mango tree"
Sardar: "Idiot, apple saath laaya hoon"
**
Sardars and scooter*
Three Sardars were going on a scooter. Traffic police showed them his hand.
One of the Sardars told: We are already three, sorry, there is no space.
**
Lion and Sardars* *
Two Sardars were in a forest, when a lion came roaring towards them. One of them throws sand into its eyes, and runs. Second one stays unmoved. When asked why he is not running, another Sardar tells: "Why should I be running? It is you who has thrown the sand "
**
Cyclone*
Bank manager asks Sardar in an intervi ew: "What is cyclone"
Sardar: "It is the loan given to purchase a cycle"
**
Side Effects*
Once Sardar brought some tablets and started cutting the edges. Do you know why? He wanted to avoid side effects!
**
Same person*
Sardar looked himself in a mirror and said: "Isko kahin dekha hai... Haan!
Yaad aaya, yeh to wahi kameena hai jo mere shaadi ke album mein mere biwi ke saath hai"
**
Bus tickets*
Bus conductor: Ticket, ticket
Sardar: Give two tickets
Conductor: Why two?
Sardar: If I lose one, another will be there
Conductor: What if you lose both?
Sardar: No problem, I have pass...
**
Advice*
A famous Sardar's declaration to the media: "I will never marry in my life.
And I will advise the same to my children too"
**
Oxygen*
Teacher: Oxygen is very essential to life. It was discovered in 1773
Sardar: Thank God I was born after 1773. Had I born earlier, I would have died...
**
Skeleton*
Interviewer: What is a skeleton?
Sardar: Sir, skeleton is a person who started dieting, but forgot to stop it
**
Starting Salary*
MD: I give you driver job. Starting salary is 2000 Rs.
Sardar: Oh, thank you. What is the driving salary and stopping salary?
**
New moon day*
ISRO sent a Sardar to Moon. Sardar got into rocket, but jumped halfway, shouting "How dare you cheat me. Today is new moon day. There will be no moon"
**
Mirror*
Boss: Ek achcha mirror leke ao, jisme m ujhe mera chehra dikhayi de.
Sardar: Boss, mein sab dukaan gaya , par sab mein mere hi chehra dikha...
Apka chehra dikhanewala kahin nahi mila.
**
Hindi and English*
Sardarni to a doctor: Mera beta motorcycle se gir gaya
Doctor: I can't understand Hindi. Can you tell in English*
Sardarni: My londa gironda from Hero Honda
**
Yes/No* *
Sardar reported for his university final examination, which consists of Yes/No type questions. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing it, marking the answer sheet Yes for Heads and No for Tails.
Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately flipping the coin, muttering and sweating.
The moderator, alarmed, approaches his and asks what is going on.
Sardar replies, "I'm rechecking my answers and I don't think I did very good."
**
Microsoft Office*
Interviewer: Do you know Microsoft Office?
Sardar: No, but I can find it if you give address...
**
Compound Sentence*
Teacher: Tell a compound sentence.
Sardar: Stick No Bills!
**
Colour TV*
Sardar bought a new colour TV and put it in water. Why?
He wanted to check whether colour goes or not
**
Calender*
A person went to a Sardar's shop.
Person: I want 2012 calender
Sardar: Sorry sir, you are too late. We have only 1000 calenders left
**
Lottery* *
Sardar bought a lottery ticket for 10 Rs. Luckily Sardar won 10 crores for that. He went to the shop to collec
Dear God, Give us a sense of humour, Give us the grace to see a joke, To get some humour out of life, And pass it on to other folk ..........
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Monday, December 12, 2011
Brilliant Answers byBantabut the teacher gave him '0' marks only
Q- In which battle did Tipu Sultan die?
A- His last battle !
Q- Where was the declaration of independence signed?
A- At the bottom of the page !
Q- What's the main reason for Divorce?
A- Marriage!
Q- river Ganges flows in which state?
A- Liquid state !
Q- When was Mahatma Gandhi born?
A- On his birthday !
Q- How will u distribute 8 mangoes among 6 people?
A- By preparing mango shake....
A- His last battle !
Q- Where was the declaration of independence signed?
A- At the bottom of the page !
Q- What's the main reason for Divorce?
A- Marriage!
Q- river Ganges flows in which state?
A- Liquid state !
Q- When was Mahatma Gandhi born?
A- On his birthday !
Q- How will u distribute 8 mangoes among 6 people?
A- By preparing mango shake....
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Who was Akbar?
Teacher: Who was AKBAR?
Boy: Akbar was Gay!
Tchr(Shocked): Why?
Boy: v hav heard.
LAILA-MAJNU,
HEER-RANJHA,
ADAM-EVE,
SONI-MAHIVAL
& Only
AKBAR-BIRBAL..???
Boy: Akbar was Gay!
Tchr(Shocked): Why?
Boy: v hav heard.
LAILA-MAJNU,
HEER-RANJHA,
ADAM-EVE,
SONI-MAHIVAL
& Only
AKBAR-BIRBAL..???
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Wedding rehersal
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the preacher with an unusual offer.
"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to "love, honor and cherish" and "forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever," I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.
It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom's vows, the preacher looks the young man in the eye and says:
"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and vow eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes."
The groom leaned toward the preacher and whispered: "I thought we had a deal."
The preacher put the $100 bill into his hand and whispered back: "She made me a much better offer."
"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to "love, honor and cherish" and "forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever," I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.
It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom's vows, the preacher looks the young man in the eye and says:
"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and vow eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes."
The groom leaned toward the preacher and whispered: "I thought we had a deal."
The preacher put the $100 bill into his hand and whispered back: "She made me a much better offer."
You could have heard a pin drop
Field Marshal Sam Bahadur Maneckshaw once started addressing a public meeting at Ahmedabad in English.
The crowd started chanting, "Speak in Gujarati. We will hear you only if you speak in
Gujarati."
Field Marshal Sam Bahadur Maneckshaw stopped. Swept the audience with a hard
stare and replied,
"Friends, I have fought many a battle in my long career. I have learned Punjabi from
men of the Sikh Regiment; Marathi from the Maratha Regiment; Tamil from the men
of the Madras Sappers; Bengali from the men of the Bengal Sappers, Hindi from the Bihar Regiment; and even Nepali from the Gurkha Regiment. Unfortunately there was no soldier from Gujarat from whom I could have learned Gujarati."
........ You could have heard a pin drop
The crowd started chanting, "Speak in Gujarati. We will hear you only if you speak in
Gujarati."
Field Marshal Sam Bahadur Maneckshaw stopped. Swept the audience with a hard
stare and replied,
"Friends, I have fought many a battle in my long career. I have learned Punjabi from
men of the Sikh Regiment; Marathi from the Maratha Regiment; Tamil from the men
of the Madras Sappers; Bengali from the men of the Bengal Sappers, Hindi from the Bihar Regiment; and even Nepali from the Gurkha Regiment. Unfortunately there was no soldier from Gujarat from whom I could have learned Gujarati."
........ You could have heard a pin drop
India........it is a confused nation we live in..
- * It’s a confused nation we live
> in........*
>
> * *
>
> * *
>
> *Where a policeman kills a leopard that is actually attacking a villager,
> and instead of being felicitated he is booked for the crime of saving a
> human being! ***
>
> * *
>
> *A nation where Rice is Rs.40/- per kg and SIM Card is free. ***
>
> * *
>
> *Where a pizza you have ordered reaches home faster than an ambulance or
> police, even if you were being murdered or having a heart attack! ***
>
> * *
>
> *Where a car loan is charged at 5% but an education loan, so necessary for
> our youth is charged an interest of 12%! ***
>
> * *
>
> *A nation where students with 45% get into elite institutions through the
> quota system and those with 90% are sent away because of merit. ***
>
> * *
>
> *Where a millionaire buys a cricket team, spending crores instead of
> donating the money to any charity. Where two IPL teams were auctioned at
> 3300 crores, yet still a poor country where people starve for two square
> meals per day. ***
>
> * *
>
> *A country where footwear is sold in AC showrooms, but the vegetables we
> eat, are sold on the footpath and very often next to garbage dumps! ***
>
> * *
>
> *Where everybody wants to be famous, not by doing good for others, but by
> looting others and finally getting their names in the newspapers through
> some scam or other! ***
>
> * *
>
> *It’s a strange nation we live in, where assembly complex buildings get
> ready within a year while public bridges, flyovers and sea links take
> several years even to get off the drawing board and another decade to be
> completed. ***
>
> * *
>
> *We are a nation where two brothers fight with each other for the nation’s
> spoils, but the nation doesn’t know that the two of them are cleverly
> looting the nation while we watch their mock battles. ***
>
> * *
>
> *We have malls, and sky-rises, with slums forming their boundary wall. ***
>
> * *
>
> *A country where men and women squat on railway tracks, with no where else
> to go while watching them from windows, are couples with three bathrooms and
> one for the guests. ***
>
> * *
>
> *A country where politicians who are supposed to serve the people accept
> money from the same people they are supposed to serve, then take a salary
> from the government for their services to the people! ***
>
> * *
>
> *We are a nation where we talk in hushed whispers about the corruption in
> the country and then dig into our pockets to bribe a cop when we are caught
> cutting a red light. ***
>
> * *
>
> *Think about it; we are a confused nation, aren’t we?***
>
>
> in........*
>
> * *
>
> * *
>
> *Where a policeman kills a leopard that is actually attacking a villager,
> and instead of being felicitated he is booked for the crime of saving a
> human being! ***
>
> * *
>
> *A nation where Rice is Rs.40/- per kg and SIM Card is free. ***
>
> * *
>
> *Where a pizza you have ordered reaches home faster than an ambulance or
> police, even if you were being murdered or having a heart attack! ***
>
> * *
>
> *Where a car loan is charged at 5% but an education loan, so necessary for
> our youth is charged an interest of 12%! ***
>
> * *
>
> *A nation where students with 45% get into elite institutions through the
> quota system and those with 90% are sent away because of merit. ***
>
> * *
>
> *Where a millionaire buys a cricket team, spending crores instead of
> donating the money to any charity. Where two IPL teams were auctioned at
> 3300 crores, yet still a poor country where people starve for two square
> meals per day. ***
>
> * *
>
> *A country where footwear is sold in AC showrooms, but the vegetables we
> eat, are sold on the footpath and very often next to garbage dumps! ***
>
> * *
>
> *Where everybody wants to be famous, not by doing good for others, but by
> looting others and finally getting their names in the newspapers through
> some scam or other! ***
>
> * *
>
> *It’s a strange nation we live in, where assembly complex buildings get
> ready within a year while public bridges, flyovers and sea links take
> several years even to get off the drawing board and another decade to be
> completed. ***
>
> * *
>
> *We are a nation where two brothers fight with each other for the nation’s
> spoils, but the nation doesn’t know that the two of them are cleverly
> looting the nation while we watch their mock battles. ***
>
> * *
>
> *We have malls, and sky-rises, with slums forming their boundary wall. ***
>
> * *
>
> *A country where men and women squat on railway tracks, with no where else
> to go while watching them from windows, are couples with three bathrooms and
> one for the guests. ***
>
> * *
>
> *A country where politicians who are supposed to serve the people accept
> money from the same people they are supposed to serve, then take a salary
> from the government for their services to the people! ***
>
> * *
>
> *We are a nation where we talk in hushed whispers about the corruption in
> the country and then dig into our pockets to bribe a cop when we are caught
> cutting a red light. ***
>
> * *
>
> *Think about it; we are a confused nation, aren’t we?***
>
>
Astronnaut
Munna bhai: Agar bina danto ka kutta kate to kya karna chahiye?
Circuit: Simple bhai... Bina sui ka injection lagane ka!
**************
Narad Muni dharti par madira peene aaye,12 botal pilane k baad
Theke wala: Apko chadhti kyun nahi ?
Narad: Main Bhagwaan Hoon.
Theke wala: Ab Chad gayi bevde ko.
**************
Jija: Sali ji, aapke yahan ki sabse mash-hoor cheez kaunsi hai?
Sali: Jija ji, jo mash-hoor thi, usey to aap le gaye!
**************
Q: Agar do pipal ke Pedon ko ek rassi se bandh diya jaye to us rassi ko kya kahenge?
A: Us rassi ko bolengey NOKIA - Connecting pipal.
**************
Kuri waley Munde nu: Tusi nonveg khandey ho?
Munda: Haan
Sharaab?
Haan
Drugs?
Haan
Jua?
Haan
Sab kuch negative hai, kuch positive ve hai?
Munda: Haanji, HIV+
**************
Gal: Is dress ka kya price hai?
Shopkeeper: Sirf 5 kiss.
Girl: Aur us dress ka?
Shopkeeper: 10 kiss.
Girl: Dono dress pack kar do, bill dadi dengi.
**************
Sachin’s Daughter: Yeh Kya, Daddy Sixer pe Sixer maare jaa rahe hain Hain?
Sachin’s Wife: Arey beta, yeh toh ADVERTISEMENT Hai !
**************
Ab tak meri life ek khuli botal thi,
jis mein se sab perfume ki tarah ud jata tha.
Par aap ke aane se sab kuch ruk gaya,
Bhagwan kare aap jaisa DHAKKAN sabko miley.
**************
Santa: Tommy ne meri saari kitaab kha layi
Mother: Ohnu mere kole leke aa mein usnu saja dewan
Santa: Saja ta mein de diti, usdi kauli wala dudh mein pee gaya
**************
Manmohan Singh: We are sending Indians to the moon next year!
Bush: Wow! Howc many?
Manamohan: 25 OBC, 25 SC, 20 ST, 5 Handicapped, 5 Sports Persons, 5 Terrorist Affected, 5 Kashmiri Migrants, 9 Politicians & if possible 1 Astronnaut
**************
1980 girls: Maan mei Jeans pehanungi
Maan : Nahin beti log kya kahengey?
2006 girls: Maan mein mini skirt pehanungi
Maan: Pehen le beti kuch to pehan le!
**************
Lamha Lamha Waqt Guzar Jayega,
Chand Lamhon Men Exam Sar Pe Ajayega,
Abhi Bhi Waqt Hai Do Line Padh Lo,
Warna Paas Kia Munna Bhai Karwae Ga?
**************
Generation Next Motto: Na hum shaadi karenge, na apne bachchon ko karne denge.
**************
Mallika went to a swimming pool in a BRA & PANTY.
Guard: Madam here 2 piece costume is not allowed!
Mallika: Kaun sa utaroon?
**************
Basanti: Bhaag Dhanno bhag, aaj teri Basanti ki izzat ka sawal hai.
Dhanno: Tujhe apni padi hai. Meri soch jiske peeche Gabbar ke 10 ghode pade hain
**************
Circuit: Simple bhai... Bina sui ka injection lagane ka!
**************
Narad Muni dharti par madira peene aaye,12 botal pilane k baad
Theke wala: Apko chadhti kyun nahi ?
Narad: Main Bhagwaan Hoon.
Theke wala: Ab Chad gayi bevde ko.
**************
Jija: Sali ji, aapke yahan ki sabse mash-hoor cheez kaunsi hai?
Sali: Jija ji, jo mash-hoor thi, usey to aap le gaye!
**************
Q: Agar do pipal ke Pedon ko ek rassi se bandh diya jaye to us rassi ko kya kahenge?
A: Us rassi ko bolengey NOKIA - Connecting pipal.
**************
Kuri waley Munde nu: Tusi nonveg khandey ho?
Munda: Haan
Sharaab?
Haan
Drugs?
Haan
Jua?
Haan
Sab kuch negative hai, kuch positive ve hai?
Munda: Haanji, HIV+
**************
Gal: Is dress ka kya price hai?
Shopkeeper: Sirf 5 kiss.
Girl: Aur us dress ka?
Shopkeeper: 10 kiss.
Girl: Dono dress pack kar do, bill dadi dengi.
**************
Sachin’s Daughter: Yeh Kya, Daddy Sixer pe Sixer maare jaa rahe hain Hain?
Sachin’s Wife: Arey beta, yeh toh ADVERTISEMENT Hai !
**************
Ab tak meri life ek khuli botal thi,
jis mein se sab perfume ki tarah ud jata tha.
Par aap ke aane se sab kuch ruk gaya,
Bhagwan kare aap jaisa DHAKKAN sabko miley.
**************
Santa: Tommy ne meri saari kitaab kha layi
Mother: Ohnu mere kole leke aa mein usnu saja dewan
Santa: Saja ta mein de diti, usdi kauli wala dudh mein pee gaya
**************
Manmohan Singh: We are sending Indians to the moon next year!
Bush: Wow! Howc many?
Manamohan: 25 OBC, 25 SC, 20 ST, 5 Handicapped, 5 Sports Persons, 5 Terrorist Affected, 5 Kashmiri Migrants, 9 Politicians & if possible 1 Astronnaut
**************
1980 girls: Maan mei Jeans pehanungi
Maan : Nahin beti log kya kahengey?
2006 girls: Maan mein mini skirt pehanungi
Maan: Pehen le beti kuch to pehan le!
**************
Lamha Lamha Waqt Guzar Jayega,
Chand Lamhon Men Exam Sar Pe Ajayega,
Abhi Bhi Waqt Hai Do Line Padh Lo,
Warna Paas Kia Munna Bhai Karwae Ga?
**************
Generation Next Motto: Na hum shaadi karenge, na apne bachchon ko karne denge.
**************
Mallika went to a swimming pool in a BRA & PANTY.
Guard: Madam here 2 piece costume is not allowed!
Mallika: Kaun sa utaroon?
**************
Basanti: Bhaag Dhanno bhag, aaj teri Basanti ki izzat ka sawal hai.
Dhanno: Tujhe apni padi hai. Meri soch jiske peeche Gabbar ke 10 ghode pade hain
**************
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