Ek Sharabi full tight hokar ghar jaa raha tha. Raaste me mandir ke baahar pujari dikha.
Sharabi n pujari se poocha, sabse bada kaun?
Pujaari NE peecha chudane ke liye kaha "Mandir Bada".
Sharabi bola "Mandir bada toh dharti pe kaise khada"
Pujari: "Dharti badi"
Sharabi: "Dharti badi toh Sheshnaag pe kyun khadi"
Pujari" "Sheshnaag bada"
Sharabi: "Sheshnaag bada toh Shiv ke gale me kyon pada"
Pujari: "Shiv bada"
Sharabi: "Shiv bada toh Parbat par kyon khada"
Pujari: "Parbat bada"
Sharabi: "Parbat bada toh Hanuman ki ungli pe kyon pada"
Pujari: "Hanuman bada"
Sharabi: "Hanuman bada toh Ram ki charno me kyon pada"
Pujari: "Ram bada"
Sharabi: "Ram bada toh Ravan ke piche kyun pada"
Pujari: "arey mere baap TU Bata kaun bada"
Sharabi: "Is duniya me woh bada, Jo puri bottle pee ke apni taango pe khada."
Dear God, Give us a sense of humour, Give us the grace to see a joke, To get some humour out of life, And pass it on to other folk ..........
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Thursday, April 29, 2010
एक चीता Cigarette का सुट्टा लगाने ही वाला था की अचानक एक चूहा वहां आया और बोला :
" मेरे भाई छोड़ दो नशा , आओ मेरे साथ भागो देखो ये जंगल कितना खुबसूरत है , आओ मेरे साथ दुनिया देखो "
चीते ने एक लम्हा सोचा फिर चूहे के साथ दौड़ने लगा .
आगे एक हाथी अफीम पी रहा था , चूहा फिर बोला ,
" हाथी मेरे भाई छोड़ दो नशा , आओ मेरे साथ भागो , देखो ये जंगल कितना खुबसूरत है , आओ मेरे साथ दुनिया देखो "
हाथी भी साथ दौड़ने लगा .
आगे शेर whisky पीने की तैयारी कर रहा था , चूहे ने उसे भी वही कहा .
शेर ने ग्लास साइड पर रखा और चूहे को 5- 6 थप्पड़ मारे .
हाथी बोला , " अरे ये तो तुम्हे ज़िन्दगी की तरफ ले जा रहा है , क्यों मार रहे हो इस बेचारे को ?"
शेर बोला , " यह कमीना पिछली बार भी Bhang पी कर मुझे 3 घंटे जंगल मै घुमाता रहा ".
" मेरे भाई छोड़ दो नशा , आओ मेरे साथ भागो देखो ये जंगल कितना खुबसूरत है , आओ मेरे साथ दुनिया देखो "
चीते ने एक लम्हा सोचा फिर चूहे के साथ दौड़ने लगा .
आगे एक हाथी अफीम पी रहा था , चूहा फिर बोला ,
" हाथी मेरे भाई छोड़ दो नशा , आओ मेरे साथ भागो , देखो ये जंगल कितना खुबसूरत है , आओ मेरे साथ दुनिया देखो "
हाथी भी साथ दौड़ने लगा .
आगे शेर whisky पीने की तैयारी कर रहा था , चूहे ने उसे भी वही कहा .
शेर ने ग्लास साइड पर रखा और चूहे को 5- 6 थप्पड़ मारे .
हाथी बोला , " अरे ये तो तुम्हे ज़िन्दगी की तरफ ले जा रहा है , क्यों मार रहे हो इस बेचारे को ?"
शेर बोला , " यह कमीना पिछली बार भी Bhang पी कर मुझे 3 घंटे जंगल मै घुमाता रहा ".
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."So he tied her up and went golfing.
*******
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."
*******
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter!
Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once.
TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!
We need more butter. Oh my GOD!
WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL!
I said be CAREFUL!
You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never!
Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?
Have you LOST your mind?
Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
*******
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."
*******
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter!
Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once.
TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!
We need more butter. Oh my GOD!
WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL!
I said be CAREFUL!
You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never!
Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?
Have you LOST your mind?
Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
A donkey kicked a Sardar & ran away
Sardar ran to catch the donkey.
He saw a zebra & started beating it & said 'SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka
De raha hai'.
SWOT BOOK filled by Santa.
1.Strength:My wife,Jeeto.
2.Weakness:Banta's wife, Preeto.
3.Oppurtunity: When Banta is on tour.
4.Threat: When I am on tour
Sardar: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.
Jeeto: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml
Now it's 2 ltr.
Santa went to Mysore palace.
Tourist guide - Santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan's chair
Santa - Oye dont worry yaar I'll get up when he comes.!!..
Sardar wanted to make a STD call to Punjab,
He wanted to save money so what did he do?
Simple, he went to Punjab and made a local call.
One tourist from U.S.A.asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village?
Sardar: No sir, only small babies!!!
A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn't turns up for four days.
Lady calls again.
Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one
Comes out
2 sardars were fighting after exam.
Sir: Y r u fighting?
1st Sardar: This fool left the answer sheet blank,
Sir: So what?
1st Sardar: Even I did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both
Copied.
Sardar 1: I'm very kanjoos, I went 2 honeymoon alone & saved 1/2 money.
Sardar 2: You R nothing I saved all my money, my friend was going & I sent
My wife with him.
A scene from Kohn Benega Crorepati....
Amitabh : In which state the river Kaveri flows?
Sardar : Liquid state.....
Audience clapped.. Amitabh stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE SARDARS.......
Sardar ran to catch the donkey.
He saw a zebra & started beating it & said 'SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka
De raha hai'.
SWOT BOOK filled by Santa.
1.Strength:My wife,Jeeto.
2.Weakness:Banta's wife, Preeto.
3.Oppurtunity: When Banta is on tour.
4.Threat: When I am on tour
Sardar: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.
Jeeto: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml
Now it's 2 ltr.
Santa went to Mysore palace.
Tourist guide - Santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan's chair
Santa - Oye dont worry yaar I'll get up when he comes.!!..
Sardar wanted to make a STD call to Punjab,
He wanted to save money so what did he do?
Simple, he went to Punjab and made a local call.
One tourist from U.S.A.asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village?
Sardar: No sir, only small babies!!!
A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn't turns up for four days.
Lady calls again.
Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one
Comes out
2 sardars were fighting after exam.
Sir: Y r u fighting?
1st Sardar: This fool left the answer sheet blank,
Sir: So what?
1st Sardar: Even I did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both
Copied.
Sardar 1: I'm very kanjoos, I went 2 honeymoon alone & saved 1/2 money.
Sardar 2: You R nothing I saved all my money, my friend was going & I sent
My wife with him.
A scene from Kohn Benega Crorepati....
Amitabh : In which state the river Kaveri flows?
Sardar : Liquid state.....
Audience clapped.. Amitabh stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE SARDARS.......
overconfidence
Overconfidence! !!
It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.
The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Flowers." "That's right!" the boy said,
"But, how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said.
The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."
"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.
The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop off the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. "Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more big taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"
With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"
******************************************
It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.
The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Flowers." "That's right!" the boy said,
"But, how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said.
The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."
"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.
The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop off the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. "Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more big taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"
With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"
******************************************
Sunday, April 4, 2010
wrong flowers
A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion.
They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card,.... "Rest in Peace."
The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.
After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied,
"Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this: somewhere, there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying,... 'Congratulations on your new location!'"
They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card,.... "Rest in Peace."
The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.
After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied,
"Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this: somewhere, there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying,... 'Congratulations on your new location!'"
an elderly womens portrait
An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted. She instructed the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, an emerald necklace, a ruby bracelet, and a Rolex watch."
"But you're not wearing any of those things!" the artist said.
"I know," she replied. "But if I should die before my husband, I'm sure he'll remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry!"
"But you're not wearing any of those things!" the artist said.
"I know," she replied. "But if I should die before my husband, I'm sure he'll remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry!"
one liner defination
1. Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other.
**********
2. Love Affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a 5 day test match.
**********
3. Marriage: It's an agreement in which the man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gains her master's.
**********
4. Divorce: Future tense of marriage.
**********
5. Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of students without passing through "the minds of either".
**********
6. Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
**********
7. Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in? such a way that everybody believes, she got the biggest piece.
**********
8. Tears: The hydraulic force by which the masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power.
**********
9. Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage and success before work.
**********
10. Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everyone disagrees later on.
**********
11. Ecstasy: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
**********
12. Classic: A book which people praise but do not read.
**********
13. Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
**********
14. Office: A place where you can relax from the strenuous home life.
**********
15. Yawn: The only time some married men get to open their mouth.
**********
16. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
**********
17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
**********
18. Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
**********
19. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
**********
**********
2. Love Affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a 5 day test match.
**********
3. Marriage: It's an agreement in which the man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gains her master's.
**********
4. Divorce: Future tense of marriage.
**********
5. Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of students without passing through "the minds of either".
**********
6. Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
**********
7. Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in? such a way that everybody believes, she got the biggest piece.
**********
8. Tears: The hydraulic force by which the masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power.
**********
9. Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage and success before work.
**********
10. Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everyone disagrees later on.
**********
11. Ecstasy: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
**********
12. Classic: A book which people praise but do not read.
**********
13. Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
**********
14. Office: A place where you can relax from the strenuous home life.
**********
15. Yawn: The only time some married men get to open their mouth.
**********
16. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
**********
17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
**********
18. Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
**********
19. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
**********