SANTA Da DANKA

Santa asks: Who r u?

Wife: How dare u forget ur wife?

Santa: Nasha har gam ko bhula deta hai
**********************************


Santa was busy in removing a wheel from auto,

Banta asks: Y r u removing a wheel from ur auto?

Santa: Can't u read 'Parking for two wheelers only'
**********************************



Santa: Doctor, ye phulon ki mala kis ke liye?

Doctor: Ye mera pehla operation hai, success hua to mere liye, nahi to tumhare liye.
**********************************


Santa: Doc Saab, mein Chashma laga ke pad to sakoonga?

Doc: Haan, bilkul.

Santa: To phir theek hai doc Saab varna Anpad aadmi ki zindagi bhi koi zindagi hai.
**********************************


Santa: Raat film main ek chudail kabhi mere aage, khabhi mere peechhe ghoom rahi thi...

Jeeto: Koun is film thi ?

Santa: Apni shaadi ki movie thi !
**********************************


Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from NASA to SATYANASA
**********************************

Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.

Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?

Santa: I'm falling in love.
**********************************


Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?

Santa: Suicide karne ke liye

Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?

Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye
**********************************


Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna njoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets

Jeeto: Why 3?

Santa: For you and your parents
**********************************


Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.

Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.
**********************************


Lady Doc: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho kar auraton ko kyon ghoorte ho?

Santa: Ji aap hi NE bahar likha hai: Auraton ko dekhne ka samay 9am-11am
**********************************


A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein

Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.
**********************************


At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!

Santa: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
**********************************
In an interview,

Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?

Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr.....

Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.

Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...
**********************************


Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got irritated...

Drank poison & said,

Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!
**********************************


Captain of Military: Naujawanon aage bado Santa aage nahin bada

Captain: Tum aage kyun nahin bade?

Santa: Apne kaha 9 jawanon aage bado, mein 10ve number pe tha
**********************************


Banta: Yaar teri wife ki maut ka bara afsos hua, vaise hua kya tha?

Santa: Goli lagi thi mathe main.

Banta: Waheguru ji ka shukar kar ke aankh Bach gayi.
**********************************


Santa apni khoobsurat Bibi k saath car mein baitha. Driver NE sheesha set kiya.

Santa gusse mein bola, meri bibi ko dekhkta hai, piche baith, car mein chalaoonga!
**********************************


Santa: tainu Sunny Deol DA phone no pata hai...?

Banta: Nahin, kyon ki Hoya?

Santa: Yaaar asi Nalka patauna is.
**********************************


Banta: U cheated me.

Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.

Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all India Radio!
**********************************


Sadhu: Bachcha teri biwi ko chuddail chipak gayee hai. Upaaye karvaao.

Banta: Upayaye? Baba, agar do behenein gale mil rahi hain to is mein harz hi kya hai ?
**********************************


Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?

Santa: Tipu's skeleton.

Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?

Santa: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was child
**********************************


Napoleon: There is no such word as 'Impossible' in my dictionary.

Santa: To dictionary dekh kar kharidni thi ...!
**********************************


Santa: Agar tumhe kuch ho gaya to mein Pagal ho jaaunga.

Jeeto: Doosri shaadi to nahin karogey?

Santa: Pagal ka kya hai, kuch bhi kar sakta hai
**********************************


Banta: Yeh AUTOMATICALLY kya hota hai?

Santa: Oye tujhe yeh bhi nahin pata, Jab auto mein koi ganji ladki ja rahi ho to use kehte hain AUTO-ME-TAKLI
**********************************


Santa was riding on a horse. He jumped the red light & a cop whistles.

Santa lifts the tail of horse & says: 'Le Karle Number Note'
**********************************


Banta: Oye, TU to Doctor ke paas jaane waala tha, kya hua?

Santa: Yaar kal jaaonga, aaj thodi tabiyat kharab hai.
**********************************


Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.

Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.
**********************************


Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.

Santa: Who r u? Girl: Seeta here.

Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya
**********************************


Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery.

The shopkeeper asked: Exide laga du?

Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?
**********************************


Q: Why did Santa take his pregnant wife Jeeto to Pizza Hut? A:

Because they advertised: 'Free Delivery'

**********************************

Sardar to Girlfriend= Darling main
tum se shaadi nahi karsakta .
gharwale mana karrahe hai.
Girlfriend= Tumhare ghar me kaun kaun hai?
Sardar= 1 biwi aur 3 bacche

***********************************************************************

a sardar on an interview for the post
of detective was asked a question.
interviewer : Who Killed Gandhi Gee?
Sardar : Thanks for giving me
the job i will investigate.

***********************************************************************


Santa saw a beautiful gal...
he went and smooched her.
Gal - What are you doing?
Santa: Law, 4th semester from Punjab University.

************************************************************************

************************************************************************

Jyotish : Tumhri life men 14 larkyan ayen gi
Boy : "Oh yess... What a life!"
Jyotish : Ziyada khush mat ho.
1 Biwi or 13 betyan hongi.


***********************************************************************

Santa: Yaar aaj to 1 Rs.
me 3 amrood mil gye.
Banta: Wo kaise?
Santa: 1 Rs. ka 1 usne dia,
1 mai utha k bhag gya,
or 1 usne muje fek ke mara...

******************************

WOMAN"S EAR

A man lost both ears in an accident. No plastic surgeon could offer him a solution.


He heard of a very good one in Sweden, and went to him. The new surgeon examined him, thought a while, and said, 'yes, I can put you right.'


After the operation, bandages off, stitches out, he goes to his hotel.


The morning after, in a rage, he calls his surgeon, and yells, 'You swine, you gave me a woman's ears.'


'Well, an ear is an ear. It makes no difference whether it is a man's or a woman's.'


'You're wrong! I hear everything, but I don't understand a thing!'

JUST AN ELEVATOR

An older Desi couple having taken all their past vacations either staying at home, or at friends’ and relatives’ homes in other cities decided now to stay in a top name luxury Hotel for an experience in a resort city and to cash an off-season discount coupon.


They came to the grandiose hotel, got their room keys and Bellman started escorting them.

A door opened, Husband and wife looked at each other with a big gasp.

Desi always devised their games to get better and more return for their money. The outspoken wife with tacit consent from the husband started blasting at the Bellman.


"You know we are from India. You can't fool us. You promise grand room, great view and this room does not even have a window, I don't see any bathroom. Do we have to toilet in the lobby? You think we don't know it. We have a distant cousin running a grocery store here in town, we will stay with them. I want to talk to your manager and we want our money back’’


The bellman explained politely, “Ma'am this is not your room. This is just our elevator to take you to your room.”

SANTA ATTACK

Santa had always been worried that why he has one brother while his sister has two?????


**********

Santa selling parachute, tells the customer "jump from plane n press button & you can land safely."

CUSTOMER: if it doesn't open????

SARDAR : PAISA WAPAS.......


**********

Santa is walking along the road. He sees a banana peel. What does he think??

"UFF, Aj phir girna padega!!"



Then next day he is walking along the road, he sees two banana peels. What does he think????????

"Ispe se giru, ya uspe se????"

Then the day after that he sees a lot of banana peels on the road. So he calls home and tells his wife..

"AAj ghar late aaoonga!!"


**********

After making a trip of South India, Santa Singh, his wife and his son were returning to Punjab in Tamilnadu Express.

Santa Singh was occupying the lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train. When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the son requested Santa Singh to bring him a cup of Ice cream to which Santa readily agreed.

When Santa and his son returned they found that a South Indian who couldn't understand Hindi had occupied his son's berth.

Outraged, Santa Singh called the TT and asked him to help. TT requested that he could not understand Hindi/Punjabi so it would be better if Santa Singh explained the whole situation to him in English.

Santa Singh explained, "That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."


**********

Bush: Impossible does not come in my dictionary...

Santa: Phir dictionary dhek ke kharidni chahiye thi na. .


**********

Ekbar light gai hui thi.

SANTA : arre Banta bahuat garmi ho rahi hai, zara pankha lagana..

BANTA : kardi na sardaronwali baat!! Pankha lagaya to moombatti bujh na jayegi??


**********

Customer: Is mirror ki guarantee kya hai?

Santa : It is 99% safe.! 100 feet se fenkoge to 99 feet tak kuchh nahi hoga"!


**********

Teacher to Santa " Where were U born?

Santa : In Tiruvanantapuram.

Teacher : Spell it?

Santa : (after thinking) I think I was born in GOA.


**********


Santa : People consider me as a "GOD"

Banta : How do you know??

Santa : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD ! U have come again..


**********


Santa complained 2 Police : Sir all items are missing, except the TV in my house.

Police : How the theif did not take TV???

Santa : I was watching TV na....



**********


Thought for the Day!!!

If you call your mother as MUM.. What will you call Mother's younger sis and elder sis?

Answer : MINIMUM & MAXIMUM



**********


When do you congratulate someone for their Mistake?

Answer : On their Wedding !!



**********


Whats the height of Intelligence?

Answer : A 99 year old Santa going for HUTCH ka naya lifetime scheme ..


**********

sardar again

A donkey kicked a Sardar & ran away
Sardar ran to catch the donkey.
He saw a zebra & started beating it & said 'SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka
De raha hai'.


SWOT BOOK filled by Santa.
1.Strength:My wife,Jeeto.
2.Weakness:Banta's wife, Preeto.
3.Oppurtunity: When Banta is on tour.
4.Threat: When I am on tour



Sardar: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.
Jeeto: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml
Now it's 2 ltr.



Santa went to Mysore palace.
Tourist guide - Santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan's chair
Santa - Oye dont worry yaar I'll get up when he comes.!!..


Sardar wanted to make a STD call to Punjab,
He wanted to save money so what did he do?
Simple, he went to Punjab and made a local call.



One tourist from U.S.A.asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village?
Sardar: No sir, only small babies!!!


A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn't turns up for four days.
Lady calls again.
Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one
Comes out



2 sardars were fighting after exam.
Sir: Y r u fighting?
1st Sardar: This fool left the answer sheet blank,
Sir: So what?
1st Sardar: Even I did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both
Copied.


Sardar 1: I'm very kanjoos, I went 2 honeymoon alone & saved 1/2 money.
Sardar 2: You R nothing I saved all my money, my friend was going & I sent
My wife with him.


A scene from Kohn Benega Crorepati....
Amitabh : In which state the river Kaveri flows?
Sardar : Liquid state.....
Audience clapped.. Amitabh stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE SARDARS.......

time for laugh

Wife: Aap bahut mote ho gaye ho.
Santa: Tum bhi toh kitni moti ho gayi ho,

Wife: Main toh maa banne wali hoon!
Santa: Main bhi toh baap banne wala hoon.

***********************************************

Ek aadmi bada dukhi tha!
Ek dost NE uss se poocha, œKyu, tension mein ho.


Aadmi: Yaar ek dost ko plastic surgery ke liye 2 lakh rupeey diye thay, AB saale ko peehchan nahi pa raha hoon!

*****************************************************

Customer: Ek kilo gaay(cow) ka doodh dena.

Shopkeper: Lekin tumhara bartan toh bahut chhota hai.
Customer: Theek hai toh phir bakri ka de de.

*******************************************************

Santa: Yaar aaj pehli bar Maine accha kaam kya, jiss par logon NE mujhe bohat mara!
Banta: Who kya..
Santa: Ek makan mein aag lagi thi, aur andar kuch log thay, Maine window tori aur andar ja kar sab logon ko bahar nikal diya.

Banta: Toh logon NE kyun mara
Santa: Yaar, kyun ke who sab log fire fighter thay!

****************************************************

Mallika arrived at a Railway Station for a shooting.
Bhikhari: Behanji 1 rupiya dedo.
Malika gave him 1000 Rs.

Secretary: Why u gave him 1000 Rs..?
Malika: Pehli bar kisine behan kaha!

***************************************************

Pathan Kaun Banega Crorepati Mein:
Q: What is you father name?
Pathan: Plz Options?
A. Dilawar
B. Changez
C. Feroz
D. Sultan

Pathan: Life line 50/50
A. Dilawar
C. Feroze
Pathan: Audience Vote.
75% Dilawar
25% Feroze
Pathan: I want to use My last life line œPhone a friend.
Kisko call karengy?

******************************************************

Ek larka apni girlfriend se milne gaya, kuch baat ke baad uski girlfirend chaye(tea) banane ke liye kitchen chali gayi.
Girlfriend ka mobile sofay pe dekh kar larky NE socha ke chalo dekhte hai mera number iss NE kis naam se save kya hai?

Dear, sweetu ya jaanu.
Jab usne misscall di toh screen pe likh raha tha œMurgha No.5? Calling .

*******************************************************

Pappu ek party mein gaya aur waha usne 8 butter naan kha liye.

Kuch der baad toilet mein pet pakad ke ro raha tha bhagwan se request kar raha tha ki, œHey bhagwan ya toh jaan nikal de ya naan nikal de!

********************************************************

Maalik: Tum bathroom mein kyu ghus aaye, Kya tumhe pata nahi tha ki mein naha raha hoon?

Naukar: Hazur galti ho gayi, mein samjha tha begum sahiba hai.

***********************************************************

Ek 10 saal ka bachha bahot dhyan se ek book pad raha tha, jiska title tha: œKids ka paalan poshan kaise kare .

Mother: Tum yeh book kyon pad rahe ho.
Kid: Main yeh dekhna chahta hoon ke mera paalan poshan theek Tara se ho raha hai ya nahi.

************************************************************

Ek chor amir aadmi ke ghar mein chori karne gaya. Tijori pe likha tha œTijori ko todne ki jaroorat nahi hai, 452 number press karke sahmne vala lal batan dabao, tijori khul jayegi. Jaise hi batan daba alarm Baja aur police AA gayi.

Jate jate chor Seth se bola: Aaj mera insaaniyat se vishwas uth gaya hai!

****************************************************************

Connection with God

A 70-year-old man went to the doctor's for a physical.


The doctor ran some tests and said to the man, "Well, everything seems to be in top condition physically, but what about mentally? How is your connection with God?"


And the man answered, "Oh me and God? We have a really tight bond, he's so good to me. Every night when I have to get up to go to the bathroom, he turns on the light for me, and then, when I leave, he turns it back off."


The Doctor was astonished.


He called the man's wife and said, "I'd like to speak to you about your husband's connection with God. He claims that every night when he needs to use the restroom, God turns on the light for him and turns it off for him again when he leaves. Is this true?"


And she said, "That idiot, he's been peeing in the refrigerator!"

********

The Loyal wife

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.


Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.


Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.


When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!" She had a box her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket.


Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.


So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband."


The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm an honest loyal wife, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."


"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?"


"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check.. If he can cash it, he can spend it."


**************

ginni

A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genie's lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared.

The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The Genie said, "Nope... due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So...what will it be?"

The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."

The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Gadzooks, lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good but not THAT good! Don't think it can be done. Make another wish."

The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, is good in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That's what I wish for...a good mate."

The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Let me see that map again!"

relaxing.......

********************************************************************

Santa : Why did the man put his radio in his refrigerator?
Banta : I give up.
Santa : Stupid, because he wanted to hear cool music.

********************************************************************

1 Sardar beach per leta hua tha.
1 Angraiz wahan se guzra aur sardar se pucha: Are you relaxing?
Sardar: No, I am Ranjeet Singh.
Phir dobara 1 angraiz wahan se guzra aur yehi pucha.
Sardar: No, I am Ranjeet Singh.
Aur ye keh kar uth gaya aur apne se thodi door lete hoye angraiz se pucha:
Are you relaxing?
Angraiz: Yes I am relaxing
Sardar: Thapar mar k bola, Kamine TU idhar laita hua hai,
Wahan itne log tujhe dhoond rahe hain.

*********************************************************************

shiv ji aur santasingh

Santa Singh needed some money desperately. Banta Tells him that if he prays to Shivji in a temple, his prayers would surely be answered.

So Santa goes to a Shiva temple. The temple had a large Lord Shiva statue. Santa closes his eyes, bows his head, joins his hands and says his prayer.

Santa: "Ho Jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho.
Saannoo 100 rupayen chahiye. Kripa karo."

The priest sees Santa praying. He wants to help Santa but knows that a Sikh will never accept the money. So he drops a 100-rupee note,from behind the statue, so that Santa can not see him.

After Santa had said his prayers, and opens his eyes. He sees the note
and thinks that god has listened to his prayers. He takes the note and goes away.

However he is back again next day for money. Now the priest is really annoyed with Santa.

The Priest decides that he is not going to give any more money to Santa. He changes the big Shivji statue with a smaller one of Ganapathi that day.

Once again Santa goes to the prayer room. However he does not notice the difference.
Santa closes his eyes, bows his head, joins his hands and says his prayer.

Santa: "Ho Jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho.
Ajj to saannoo 50 rupayen hi chahiye. Kirpa karo."

After that he slowly opens his eyes and does not find any money. So he lowers his demand a bit.

Santa: "O papa jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho. Asee 10 rupayen me hi kaam chala lenge. Kirpa karo jee."

Again he slowly opens his eyes and does not find any money. He slowly raises his head and now notices the small Ganapathi statue. He carefully looks left and then right, and then slowly moves a bit forward near the statue.

Then he whispers to the statue: "Puttar, Papa kitthe hein ??!!

fun time

Sardar : My mobile bill how much?
Call Centre Girl : Sir, just dial 123to know current bill status
Sardar : Stupid, not CURRENT BILL MY MOBILE BILL.

************************************************************

Friend : I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife!
Sardar : Wow!!! That's an unbelievable exchange offer!!!

************************************************************

Teacher : Which is the oldest animal in world?
Sardar : ZEBRA
Teacher : How?
Sardar : Bcoz it is Black & White

***********************************************************

Judge : Don't U have shame? It is d 3rd time U R coming to court..
Sardar to judge : U R coming daily, don't U have shame?

***********************************************************

Question : "Should Women have Children after 35?"
Smart Sardar Replied : "No!
35 Children R More than Enough!!"

***********************************************************

Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.
Manager : Do U know MS Office?
Sardar : If U give me the address I will go there sir.

**********************************************************

Sardar got a sms from his girl friend: "I MISS YOU"
Sardarji replied: "I Mr YOU" !!.

**********************************************************

After finishing MBBS Sardar started his practice. He Checked 1st Patient's
Eyes, Tongue & Ears By Torch & Finallly Said:
"Torch is okay"

**********************************************************

Sardar1: Oye, what will happen if electricity is not discovered?
Sardar2: Nothing, we must watch TV in candle light.

**********************************************************

Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay .... While its landing he shouted: " Bombay
... Bombay "
Air hostess said : "B silent."
Sardar : "Ok.. Ombay. Ombay"

**********************************************************

Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?"
Sardar: "All are born on government holidays...!!!

***********************************************************

Sir : What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sardar : Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE

Do you know the relation between two eyes?

They never see each other....... ... BUT




They blink together
They move together
They cry together
They see things together
They sleep together
They share a very deep bonded relationship

However, when they see a woman, one will blink and another will not.




Moral of the story:



Woman can break any kind of relationship! !!

SMART THINKING

THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.

SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY.


"THAT WAS MY PAGER," SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM.

A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, "THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE.

I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND." THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW TECH. NOT TO BE OUTDONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE.


SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END.

THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.

THE WOMAN FINALLY SAID, "WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT....I'M GETTING A FAX!!

Sweetest part in life is 2 carry all the memories in life.
But. . ..
Toughest part is 2 say good bye to the person who is behind those memories!

**************************************************************************************

Santa Platfrom k side leta tha
Banta-Kya kar rahe ho?
Santa-Suicide
Banta-to beach me leto
Santa-Dar lagta hai...

****************************************************************************************

Sardar: Will u marry , after I die .
Wife : No I will live with my sister.
Wife : Will u marry , after I die.
Sardar: No I will also live with ur sister.

Embarrassing Situation

A very shy young man goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting alone.

After an hour he gathers enough courage to go and ask her,

"Er... excuse me, but would you mind if I sat here beside you?"

She responds in a loud voice :

"NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"

Everyone in the bar turns to stare at them.

The young man is surprised, shocked and embarrassed and goes back to his table.

After a few minutes the woman walks over to him smiles, apologizes, and says,



"You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."


The young man responds loudly with,

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN FIVE THOUSAND RUPEES. FOR ONE NIGHT ? ! THATS TOO MUCH !"

PROBLEM

Patient: mujhe problem hai. Na khaon to bhok lagti hai, na sou to neend aati hai, zada kam kar k thak jata hoon.

Doctor : sari raat dhoop main betho theek ho jao gaye.



~~~~~~~~~



Wife: main tang AA AI tusi hamesha mera ghar, meri car, mera beta, mera mera he karde ho. Kade sada v keha karo, Hun almari vitchon ki lab rahe ho?

Sardar: sada Kachha :p



~~~~~~~~~



Sardar ji was buying ticket on every station.

Friend: why don't u buy 1 ticket for the whole trip?

Sardar ji: my doctor told me not to take long trips.



~~~~~~~~~



Sardar: tere result DA ki banya?

Pappu: madam kendi is class vich 1 saal hor lagana hai.

Sardar: phir theek hai, saal chahe 2,3 hor lag jayn, bas fail na hona.

brain ka operation

Doctor patient k peche bhag raha tha.

Ek admi NE pocha kya hua?

Doctor: 4 baar aisa he hua hai sala brain ka opreation karwane aata hai aur baal katwa k chala jata hai.



~~~~~~~~~



Ek sardar roz apne kitchen main jata, sugar box kholta aur band kar deta,

Why?

Because Dr. NE Jo kaha tha k apni sugar roz check karna.



~~~~~~~~~



Sardar: yar kal main bathroom gaya to wahan sher tha,

2nd sardar: hain phir tum NE kya kiya?

1st: kuch nahi main NE sher se kaha aap kar lo meri to nikal gai hai.



~~~~~~~~~



Pathan girl friend ko ghar Le gaya,

Sab darwaze khirkiyan band kardin,

Parde gira diye light off kar k us k pass aya aur kaha : dekho humara watch main light jalta hai.

intelliGENT,

Boy: Boys are always more intelligent than girls
Girl: Any proof?
Boy: We always say intelliGENT,
have u ever heard telling intelliLADY. .??;-)

***********************************************************************************

Santa-yar banta apne India me sabhi
kutte kamjor q hote hai?
Banta:kyuki sab kutto ka khun 2
DHARAMENDER Pee jata hai.

************************************************************************************

Patni - Tum to kehte the ki shaadi ke
bad b mujhe khub pyaar karoge..

Pati- Sorry yaar! Mujhe maalum nahi tha
ki tumhari shaadi mujhse hogi ....

*************************************************************************************

************************************************************************

Santa : Doctor help me, main jab baat karta Hun to muje sirf awaaz sunai deti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta.
Doctor : Aaisa kab hota hai?
Santa : Phone karte waqt.

*************************************************************************


**************************************************************************

Sardar : Shirt k Liye Koi Acha sa Kapda Dikha Do
SalesMan : Plain Me Dikha Dun..?
Sardar : Salay… Hawai Jahaz Me Jane Ki kya Zarurat Hai, Yahi pe Dikha Do. ................................................................................................................................................................................................
Passenger :
Ager Sub Trains Late Hon To
Time Table Ka Kya Faida ?

Pathan :
Ager SUb Trains Waqt Per Hon To
Waiting Room Ka Kya Faida . .
................................................................................................................................................................................................Santa Police se:Kal raat chor mere ghar se
TV ke AA lava sab samaan Le gaye.
Police:TV kyon nahi legaya??
Santa:TV to me dekh raha tha is liye..

******************************************************************************

Bacha: Miss hamarey ghar aaj bhai aane wala hey.
Miss: wo kasey?
Bacha: jab phichli bar ammi hospital main admit thee TU behan aae thi
Ab Abu admit hain…

********************************************************************************

what is tension?

A beautiful girl asks lift from you. On the way she faints and you take
her to hospital.





Doctor says ‘Congrats. You are going to become a father.’





THAT’S IT. YOU GET TENSED.





You say – ‘But that baby is not mine.’


Girl says – ‘he is only the father of my baby.’





YOU HAVE MORE TENSION.





Police comes and DNA test is done. Report comes. Which says that you can
never become a father.





EVEN MORE TENSION FOR YOU.





Anyhow you thank God and return home. Then you think, “At home I have 2
kids. Whose are those?”





THIS IS REAL TENSION.

a true love story

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean
they don't love you with all they have.
Ron and Ena were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were
walking past the hospital swimming pool. Ron suddenly jumped into the deep
end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Ena promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Ena heroic act she immediately
ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to
be mentally stable.

When doctor went to tell Ena the news doctor said, 'Ena, I have good news and bad
news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to
rationally
respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you
love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad
news is, Ron hung himself in the bat hr oom with his bat hr obe belt right
after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

Ena replied….
.
.
.
.
..
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?'

blue tooth da jamana

boy ; waz your name?
Gal :- Q btau?
me tumhe janti bhi nahi
Boy :- mat batao me bhi kaunsa tumhe apni "FERRARI"me bitha raha hu.
Gal :- Anjali B.com,2nd year, tution time 6-8.

**********************************************************************************

Admi : Santa aap ka aik dant blue Q hai?
Santa : Yaar main ne ink lagayi hoyi hai,
Admi : Hain! Wo Q ji
Santa : oye khoty "bluetooth" da zamana hai.

**********************************************************************************

TEACHER Wo konsa DEPARTMENT hy jis me ORAT kaam nhi kr sakti
STUDENT FIRE BRIGADE
Teacher kyon
Student AURTON ka kaam AAG lgana hay bhujana nahi..

please stop ..... embarresing

PART I: Arab student sends an e-mail to his Dad saying: Dear Dad,
Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad,
I am bit ashamed to arrive to my college with my Gold Mercedes, when
all my Teachers travel by train. Your Son
Nasser

PART II: Sometime later Nasser gets reply to
his e-mail from his Dad:Loving son, Twenty Million
Dollars transferred to your account, please stop...embarrassing
us, go and get yourself a train too. Your Dad