It was the day after India's Independence Day. A thoughtful Tony Blair who had watched the celebrations on TV got onto the phone with his friend Bush:
"India!" shouted Blair.
"What about India?" asked a startled Bush.
"We English made a mistake George," said Blair, "I need to get India back as a colony!"
"You serious Tony?" asked a still more startled Bush.
"Yeah this is not the India we let go some sixty years ago," said Blair, "this is a colony we would be proud to have now."
"So whatcha plannin' to do?" asked Bush.
"Why George what we did to Saddam. Attack them."
"You sayin' we? You not hoping I'm goin' to join you are you?"
"I helped you in Iraq George, you forgettin' or sometin'?"
"Yeah but we had an excuse there Tony, we were lookin' for weapons of mass destruction, you remember?"
"So we do the same thing here George. We tell the Indians to give up their weapons of mass destruction!"
"I don't know whether we are doing the right thing Tony, India is a democracy you know?"
"I lied for you in Iraq George. Nearly lost the elections for you. I'm sure you could do this lil' favour for me.. With India back as my colony, we'll be back as a world power! Britain rules the world! You heard that phrase George?"
"I thought it was America who was doing the ruling Tony."
"We'll do the rulin' together George. You and me will be equal partners once I get my India back. Come on George talk to that Manmohan feller, tell him to give up his weapons of mass destruction, or else..!"
"Okay Tony since you insist. Can you call me back in five minutes."
"Shall I get my ships ready?"
"For what?" asked a surprised Bush.
"For war dammit," shouted Tony as he put the phone down and waited for Bush to talk to the Indian Prime Minister. He walked over to a little globe he had on his office table and circled India gleefully.
The phone rang and he ran to pick it up.
"Tony it is me," said George, "how many ships you got ready?"
"Aye aye sir, the Royal Navy is ready for action!" said Tony, standing at attention.
"You can send them to India," said Bush.
"To fight?" asked Blair happily.
"No to pick up their weapons of mass destruction."
"Whatcha talkin' about?" asked a confused Blair.
"Manmohan said you would know 'cause it is your people who made them," said Bush.
"What weapons of mass destruction?" whispered Blair uncertainly.
"Their politicians, their MPs, their MLAs," said Bush happily, "Manmohan said you could take them all back to England where they were trained years ago by your people to divide and rule..!"
Dear God, Give us a sense of humour, Give us the grace to see a joke, To get some humour out of life, And pass it on to other folk ..........
Pages
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Monday, August 30, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
ulta pulta
Examiner: Speak two lines about wife.
Santa : My wife is my right hand & in her absence, my right hand becomes my wife...
Santa : My wife is my right hand & in her absence, my right hand becomes my wife...
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
teeth vs tongue
Teeth said to Tongue “If I just press you little hard,
You will get cut.
Tongue replied: “If I misuse one word against someone,
Then all the 32 of you will come out at once”
******************************************************************************************
Nurse – “Mubarak ho.. Sardarji.. Aap papa ban gaye..”
Sardarji – ” Meri wife ko nahi bolna..
Main use surprise doonga..!”
You will get cut.
Tongue replied: “If I misuse one word against someone,
Then all the 32 of you will come out at once”
******************************************************************************************
Nurse – “Mubarak ho.. Sardarji.. Aap papa ban gaye..”
Sardarji – ” Meri wife ko nahi bolna..
Main use surprise doonga..!”
Sunday, August 8, 2010
: One Line Humour
Enjoy
[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.
[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.
[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.
[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.
[6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
[7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
[8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.
[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
[11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
[12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
[13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
[16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.
[17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.
[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.
[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something
[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak!
[22] Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.
[23]Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
[24]Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
[25]It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs. Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
[26]There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
[27]There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it!
[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.
[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.
[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.
[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.
[6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
[7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
[8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.
[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
[11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
[12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
[13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
[16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.
[17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.
[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.
[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something
[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak!
[22] Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.
[23]Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
[24]Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
[25]It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs. Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
[26]There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
[27]There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it!
u can keep it
Man : Officer! There’s a bomb in my garden!
Officer : Don’t worry. If no one claims it
Within three days, you can keep it.
************************************************************************
************************************************************
Maalik Naukar say : yeh tum kisi bhi kaam k liye
jaatay ho to wapas aanay main
2-3 ghantay kyun laga daitay ho. ?
Naukar : sahab aap nay he to kaha tha
k bijli ki tarah kaam karna ...
************************************************************************
*************************************************************************
santa was playing Chess with his Dog!
Friend : Aray wahhh! tera kutta to buhat intelligent hai....
santa : kiya khaak intelligent hai,
5 me sey 3 to mai jeeta hun...
Officer : Don’t worry. If no one claims it
Within three days, you can keep it.
************************************************************************
************************************************************
Maalik Naukar say : yeh tum kisi bhi kaam k liye
jaatay ho to wapas aanay main
2-3 ghantay kyun laga daitay ho. ?
Naukar : sahab aap nay he to kaha tha
k bijli ki tarah kaam karna ...
************************************************************************
*************************************************************************
santa was playing Chess with his Dog!
Friend : Aray wahhh! tera kutta to buhat intelligent hai....
santa : kiya khaak intelligent hai,
5 me sey 3 to mai jeeta hun...
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Mohammed's first day at school...Good One...!!!
Mohammed, a Pakistani child, entered his classroom on the first day of school in Ohio (USA)
"What is your name?" - asked the teacher.
"Mohammed". . .. - answered the kid.
"You are in America now. From now on your name will be Johnny,"
- replied the teacher.
In the evening, Mohammed returned home. "How was your day, Mohammed?"
- asked his mother.
"My name is not Mohammed. I'm in America and now my name is Johnny."
"Ah, are you ashamed of your name, are you trying to dishonor your
parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you!"
- and she beat him.
Then she called his father and he too beat him.
The next day Mohammed returned to school..
When the teacher saw him with all the bruises she asked, "What happened
to you little Johnny"?
Well ma'am, 4 hours after I became an American, I was attacked by two Pakistani's at home." J J J
"What is your name?" - asked the teacher.
"Mohammed". . .. - answered the kid.
"You are in America now. From now on your name will be Johnny,"
- replied the teacher.
In the evening, Mohammed returned home. "How was your day, Mohammed?"
- asked his mother.
"My name is not Mohammed. I'm in America and now my name is Johnny."
"Ah, are you ashamed of your name, are you trying to dishonor your
parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you!"
- and she beat him.
Then she called his father and he too beat him.
The next day Mohammed returned to school..
When the teacher saw him with all the bruises she asked, "What happened
to you little Johnny"?
Well ma'am, 4 hours after I became an American, I was attacked by two Pakistani's at home." J J J
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
cheating......
2 sardar in a coffee house
1st : Jaldi pi coffee thandi ho jaegi
2nd: To kya hoga?
1st: Bewkuf menu card dekh, hot coffee Rs.6 cold coffee RS.20.
**************************************************************************************
Three friends after exam.
Lucky: Yaar mujhey kuch nahi aata tha main paper khali chor aya Hon.
Banta: Main bhi!
Santa: Shit yaar, teacher samjhe GI hum NE cheating ki hay.
**LECTURER: Write a note on Gandhi Jayanti.
CIRCUIT WRITES: Gandhi was a great man,
But maa kasam I dont know who is Jayanti.
Koi locha-lafda hoga buddhe ka!
boss : pichle 6 mahino mein tumne kitni chhutiya li hai.
kabhi bimari,to kabhi honeymoon,
bacheki bimari.ab kya hai?
karamchari : kal meri shaadi hai.
Dr. to Patient's frnd: Agr 1 ghanta
pehle le aty to hum isy bacha lete.
Friend : Aby saly,
aadha ghanta pehle to iska accident
hua hai 1ghanta pehle kese le ata?
*********************************************************************
Santa College Ki Ladki se Bola
I love U!
Ab Tum Mujhe Bolo
Girl : Mai Abhi Ja K sir Ko Bolti Hu!
Santa : pagli sir Ko Mt Bol Unki Shadi Ho Gai Hai.
******************************
1st : Jaldi pi coffee thandi ho jaegi
2nd: To kya hoga?
1st: Bewkuf menu card dekh, hot coffee Rs.6 cold coffee RS.20.
**************************************************************************************
Three friends after exam.
Lucky: Yaar mujhey kuch nahi aata tha main paper khali chor aya Hon.
Banta: Main bhi!
Santa: Shit yaar, teacher samjhe GI hum NE cheating ki hay.
**LECTURER: Write a note on Gandhi Jayanti.
CIRCUIT WRITES: Gandhi was a great man,
But maa kasam I dont know who is Jayanti.
Koi locha-lafda hoga buddhe ka!
boss : pichle 6 mahino mein tumne kitni chhutiya li hai.
kabhi bimari,to kabhi honeymoon,
bacheki bimari.ab kya hai?
karamchari : kal meri shaadi hai.
Dr. to Patient's frnd: Agr 1 ghanta
pehle le aty to hum isy bacha lete.
Friend : Aby saly,
aadha ghanta pehle to iska accident
hua hai 1ghanta pehle kese le ata?
*********************************************************************
Santa College Ki Ladki se Bola
I love U!
Ab Tum Mujhe Bolo
Girl : Mai Abhi Ja K sir Ko Bolti Hu!
Santa : pagli sir Ko Mt Bol Unki Shadi Ho Gai Hai.
******************************