Once a man died and Chitragupt was waiting for him to take him to Yamraj, Chitragupt said to man, ‘Before you meet with Yamraj, I should tell you – you really didn’t do anything particularly good or bad and I am not sure what to do with you. Tell us anything you did that can help Yamraj make a decision?’
The man thought for a moment and then replied, ‘Once I was driving alone and I saw a woman who was being harassed by a gang of thieves. So I got out of my car and went to the leader of the gang.’
‘He was a big, muscular, scary guy with tattoos all over his body and a ring pierced through his nose. Well, I tore the nose ring out of his nose, and told him he and his gang had better stop bothering the woman or they would have to deal with me!’ the man said.
‘I’m impressed,’ Chitragupt responded, ‘When did this happen? This is not in our records
The man replied, I guess you record keeping is a bit slow, after I said that they have to deal with me, they dealt with me and that's the reason I am here.
Dear God, Give us a sense of humour, Give us the grace to see a joke, To get some humour out of life, And pass it on to other folk ..........
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Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Because laughter is the best medicine
1) Long back, a person who sacrificed his sleep, forgot his family, forgot his food, Forgot laughter were called "Saints", But now they are called.. "IT professionals"
2) An interesting line written at the back of a Biker's T Shirt : "If you are able to see this, please tell me that my girlfriend has fallen off"
3) Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love..
Love is always present.. Its just that, One loves too much, And the other loves too many.
4) Employee: Boss, Now I have got married..! Please increase my salary!
BOSS: Factory is not responsible for accidents occurring outside the company!
5) Philosophy of life
At the beginning of married life, every gal treats her husband as GOD,
Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..!
6) What is a Fear?
Fear is the Deep, Wrenching feeling in your stomach
When pages of your book still smell new and Just few hours left for your exams..!
7) Useful
Someone has rightly said, "A fool can ask More questions that a wise man cannot answer"
No Wonder why so many of us speechless when lecturers ask question..!
8) Girl: Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes?
Shopkeeper: Oh sure..@! How about this card, it says "To the only boy I ever loved.!"
Girl: That's good, Give me 12 of them..!
9) After reading the form filled by an applicant.. The employer said: " WE do have an... opening for you..! "
Applicant: What is it?
Interviewer: Its called the "door..!"
10) A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company..
Drive Slowly, Don't kill our Employee..... Leave them to us.
2) An interesting line written at the back of a Biker's T Shirt : "If you are able to see this, please tell me that my girlfriend has fallen off"
3) Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love..
Love is always present.. Its just that, One loves too much, And the other loves too many.
4) Employee: Boss, Now I have got married..! Please increase my salary!
BOSS: Factory is not responsible for accidents occurring outside the company!
5) Philosophy of life
At the beginning of married life, every gal treats her husband as GOD,
Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..!
6) What is a Fear?
Fear is the Deep, Wrenching feeling in your stomach
When pages of your book still smell new and Just few hours left for your exams..!
7) Useful
Someone has rightly said, "A fool can ask More questions that a wise man cannot answer"
No Wonder why so many of us speechless when lecturers ask question..!
8) Girl: Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes?
Shopkeeper: Oh sure..@! How about this card, it says "To the only boy I ever loved.!"
Girl: That's good, Give me 12 of them..!
9) After reading the form filled by an applicant.. The employer said: " WE do have an... opening for you..! "
Applicant: What is it?
Interviewer: Its called the "door..!"
10) A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company..
Drive Slowly, Don't kill our Employee..... Leave them to us.
Monday, November 1, 2010
survey on lipstick
What happens to the Lipstick used by the ladies.
5% of the Lipstick is sticked to the cutlery.
25% of the lipstick goes to Tissue Paper & Cotton Tabs at the time of removeing the Make Up.
15% of the Lipstick goes in Drain at the Time of Washing Face & Lips.
10% is Dumpped in the Garbage as Unused.
5% of the Lipstick is found in the Womens Stomach Due to Newer Flavours & Essences.
And the remaing 40% of the Lipstick I Gaurantee you that you will find it in Man's Stomach.
5% of the Lipstick is sticked to the cutlery.
25% of the lipstick goes to Tissue Paper & Cotton Tabs at the time of removeing the Make Up.
15% of the Lipstick goes in Drain at the Time of Washing Face & Lips.
10% is Dumpped in the Garbage as Unused.
5% of the Lipstick is found in the Womens Stomach Due to Newer Flavours & Essences.
And the remaing 40% of the Lipstick I Gaurantee you that you will find it in Man's Stomach.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Thout about A Man
Thought 1
When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?
*******
Thought 2
The average man's life consists of :
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going,
Forty years of having his wife ask the same question;
and at the end, the mourners wondering too.
*******
Thought 3
A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, "If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
The man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh, yeah?" the man asked "And where the hell were you when I got married?"
*******
Thought 4
Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom.
They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed some thing in his hand.
Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.
The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something.
So he announced "Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life."
Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, "My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me."
The whole audience including priest started laughing.... ...... but not the poor groom!
*******
When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?
*******
Thought 2
The average man's life consists of :
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going,
Forty years of having his wife ask the same question;
and at the end, the mourners wondering too.
*******
Thought 3
A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, "If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
The man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh, yeah?" the man asked "And where the hell were you when I got married?"
*******
Thought 4
Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom.
They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed some thing in his hand.
Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.
The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something.
So he announced "Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life."
Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, "My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me."
The whole audience including priest started laughing.... ...... but not the poor groom!
*******
Thursday, October 21, 2010
ye pyar......
Ye pyar bhi ajib cheez hoti hai.
Maa se ho to - MAMTA.
Baap se ho to - KARTAVYA.
Bhai se ho to - DHARM.
Behn se ho to - FARZ.
Aur Biwi se ho to
.
.
Sonu
Monu
Chhotu
Pappu...
~~~~~~~~~
Bhikari: Saab ek rupiya de do.
Saab: tumhe sharam nahi aati road par khade hokar bhikh mangte?
Bhikari: Abe tere ek rupiye ke liye office kholu kya?
~~~~~~~~~
Girl Friend ke saath,
Kamre ke andhar,
Table ke upar,
Batti ke neeche,
De tacatac……….tacatac….
De tacatac……….tacatac….
Stupid I am playing table tennis
Maa se ho to - MAMTA.
Baap se ho to - KARTAVYA.
Bhai se ho to - DHARM.
Behn se ho to - FARZ.
Aur Biwi se ho to
.
.
Sonu
Monu
Chhotu
Pappu...
~~~~~~~~~
Bhikari: Saab ek rupiya de do.
Saab: tumhe sharam nahi aati road par khade hokar bhikh mangte?
Bhikari: Abe tere ek rupiye ke liye office kholu kya?
~~~~~~~~~
Girl Friend ke saath,
Kamre ke andhar,
Table ke upar,
Batti ke neeche,
De tacatac……….tacatac….
De tacatac……….tacatac….
Stupid I am playing table tennis
lipstick
According to a news report, a certain private school in Sydney was recently faced with a unique problem.
A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.
After they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man.
She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night - (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses).
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.
He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror..
*************
Moral to this story:-
There are teachers.... and then there are educators..
A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.
After they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man.
She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night - (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses).
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.
He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror..
*************
Moral to this story:-
There are teachers.... and then there are educators..
Evolution of man:
Evolution of man:
Without shaadi Spiderman
Shaadi k din superman
Shaadi k baad Gentleman
Aur
B.V khobsurat hoto sari umar watchman.
~~~~~~~~~
Neighbour to sardar: " Raat nu teri khirki khuli is, I enjoyed full scene u did with bhabhi".
Sardar: "Ban gaya na pagal, main to raat ghar par tha he nahi".
~~~~~~~~~
Ek Pathan ki behan ko daku utha kar Le gaye,
Sab NE kaha daku khatarnak hain khali haath mat jana behan ko bachane.
Pathan 2 kilo mithayi Le gaya. P
~~~~~~~~~
2007 ka faqir: baji bhoka hoon Allah k waste khana de do.
Baji: abhi khananahi bana, baad main aana.
Faqir: mera number Le lo, jab khana ban jaye to miscall kar dena.
Without shaadi Spiderman
Shaadi k din superman
Shaadi k baad Gentleman
Aur
B.V khobsurat hoto sari umar watchman.
~~~~~~~~~
Neighbour to sardar: " Raat nu teri khirki khuli is, I enjoyed full scene u did with bhabhi".
Sardar: "Ban gaya na pagal, main to raat ghar par tha he nahi".
~~~~~~~~~
Ek Pathan ki behan ko daku utha kar Le gaye,
Sab NE kaha daku khatarnak hain khali haath mat jana behan ko bachane.
Pathan 2 kilo mithayi Le gaya. P
~~~~~~~~~
2007 ka faqir: baji bhoka hoon Allah k waste khana de do.
Baji: abhi khananahi bana, baad main aana.
Faqir: mera number Le lo, jab khana ban jaye to miscall kar dena.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
the secret of success
A young reporter was given the opportunity to interview a very successful, very wealthy banker. The reporter asked him, "Sir, What is the secret of your success?"
He said "Two words, young man."
"And, Sir, what are they?"
"Right decisions."
"But how do you make right decisions?"
"One word." he responded.
"And, sir, What is that?"
"Experience."
"And how do you get Experience?"
"Two words"
"And, Sir, what are they?"
The banker replied with a smile, "Wrong decisions."
He said "Two words, young man."
"And, Sir, what are they?"
"Right decisions."
"But how do you make right decisions?"
"One word." he responded.
"And, sir, What is that?"
"Experience."
"And how do you get Experience?"
"Two words"
"And, Sir, what are they?"
The banker replied with a smile, "Wrong decisions."
phone bill
The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting... on a Saturday morning... after breakfast...
Dad: People this is unacceptable. OK I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office but you too have to limit the use of the phone.
Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone.
Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile.
All of them now in a state of shock and together they look at their maid who until now is patiently listening to them
Maid (un-baffled) : So - what is the problem? We all use our work telephones!
Dad: People this is unacceptable. OK I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office but you too have to limit the use of the phone.
Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone.
Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile.
All of them now in a state of shock and together they look at their maid who until now is patiently listening to them
Maid (un-baffled) : So - what is the problem? We all use our work telephones!
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
FATHER and SONS
There was a father who called his 5 small children together.
As the sat together in a circle on the floor the dad placed a toy in the middle.
He explained to them that he won this toy as a door prize and he wanted to give it to one of them.
He asked them "who is the most obedient?"
Five sets of eyes looked up at him.
Sensing that they didn't understand the word he then asked, "ok, who always obeys mommy, and does everything she says?"
One of the children picked up the toy and handed it to the father. "You win!" exclaimed the child.
As the sat together in a circle on the floor the dad placed a toy in the middle.
He explained to them that he won this toy as a door prize and he wanted to give it to one of them.
He asked them "who is the most obedient?"
Five sets of eyes looked up at him.
Sensing that they didn't understand the word he then asked, "ok, who always obeys mommy, and does everything she says?"
One of the children picked up the toy and handed it to the father. "You win!" exclaimed the child.
WOMAN;''''''''''''''''''
An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated Each other.
When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be Heard deep into the night...
The old man would shout, 'When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the
Grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!'
Neighbours feared him. They believed he practiced black magic because of the
Many strange occurrences that took place in their neighbourhood.
The old man liked the fact that he was feared.
To everyone's relief, he died
Of a heart attack when he was 98.
His wife had a closed casket at the wake.
After the burial, she went Straight to the local bar and began to party, as if there was no tomorrow.
Her neighbours, concerned for her safety, asked, 'Aren't you afraid that he
May indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the grave and come back to
Haunt you for the rest of your life?'
The wife put down her drink and said, 'Let him dig. I had him buried upside Down.'
Damn!!! Women, they think of everything!!!!
When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be Heard deep into the night...
The old man would shout, 'When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the
Grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!'
Neighbours feared him. They believed he practiced black magic because of the
Many strange occurrences that took place in their neighbourhood.
The old man liked the fact that he was feared.
To everyone's relief, he died
Of a heart attack when he was 98.
His wife had a closed casket at the wake.
After the burial, she went Straight to the local bar and began to party, as if there was no tomorrow.
Her neighbours, concerned for her safety, asked, 'Aren't you afraid that he
May indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the grave and come back to
Haunt you for the rest of your life?'
The wife put down her drink and said, 'Let him dig. I had him buried upside Down.'
Damn!!! Women, they think of everything!!!!
Monday, August 30, 2010
Mass Destruction
It was the day after India's Independence Day. A thoughtful Tony Blair who had watched the celebrations on TV got onto the phone with his friend Bush:
"India!" shouted Blair.
"What about India?" asked a startled Bush.
"We English made a mistake George," said Blair, "I need to get India back as a colony!"
"You serious Tony?" asked a still more startled Bush.
"Yeah this is not the India we let go some sixty years ago," said Blair, "this is a colony we would be proud to have now."
"So whatcha plannin' to do?" asked Bush.
"Why George what we did to Saddam. Attack them."
"You sayin' we? You not hoping I'm goin' to join you are you?"
"I helped you in Iraq George, you forgettin' or sometin'?"
"Yeah but we had an excuse there Tony, we were lookin' for weapons of mass destruction, you remember?"
"So we do the same thing here George. We tell the Indians to give up their weapons of mass destruction!"
"I don't know whether we are doing the right thing Tony, India is a democracy you know?"
"I lied for you in Iraq George. Nearly lost the elections for you. I'm sure you could do this lil' favour for me.. With India back as my colony, we'll be back as a world power! Britain rules the world! You heard that phrase George?"
"I thought it was America who was doing the ruling Tony."
"We'll do the rulin' together George. You and me will be equal partners once I get my India back. Come on George talk to that Manmohan feller, tell him to give up his weapons of mass destruction, or else..!"
"Okay Tony since you insist. Can you call me back in five minutes."
"Shall I get my ships ready?"
"For what?" asked a surprised Bush.
"For war dammit," shouted Tony as he put the phone down and waited for Bush to talk to the Indian Prime Minister. He walked over to a little globe he had on his office table and circled India gleefully.
The phone rang and he ran to pick it up.
"Tony it is me," said George, "how many ships you got ready?"
"Aye aye sir, the Royal Navy is ready for action!" said Tony, standing at attention.
"You can send them to India," said Bush.
"To fight?" asked Blair happily.
"No to pick up their weapons of mass destruction."
"Whatcha talkin' about?" asked a confused Blair.
"Manmohan said you would know 'cause it is your people who made them," said Bush.
"What weapons of mass destruction?" whispered Blair uncertainly.
"Their politicians, their MPs, their MLAs," said Bush happily, "Manmohan said you could take them all back to England where they were trained years ago by your people to divide and rule..!"
"India!" shouted Blair.
"What about India?" asked a startled Bush.
"We English made a mistake George," said Blair, "I need to get India back as a colony!"
"You serious Tony?" asked a still more startled Bush.
"Yeah this is not the India we let go some sixty years ago," said Blair, "this is a colony we would be proud to have now."
"So whatcha plannin' to do?" asked Bush.
"Why George what we did to Saddam. Attack them."
"You sayin' we? You not hoping I'm goin' to join you are you?"
"I helped you in Iraq George, you forgettin' or sometin'?"
"Yeah but we had an excuse there Tony, we were lookin' for weapons of mass destruction, you remember?"
"So we do the same thing here George. We tell the Indians to give up their weapons of mass destruction!"
"I don't know whether we are doing the right thing Tony, India is a democracy you know?"
"I lied for you in Iraq George. Nearly lost the elections for you. I'm sure you could do this lil' favour for me.. With India back as my colony, we'll be back as a world power! Britain rules the world! You heard that phrase George?"
"I thought it was America who was doing the ruling Tony."
"We'll do the rulin' together George. You and me will be equal partners once I get my India back. Come on George talk to that Manmohan feller, tell him to give up his weapons of mass destruction, or else..!"
"Okay Tony since you insist. Can you call me back in five minutes."
"Shall I get my ships ready?"
"For what?" asked a surprised Bush.
"For war dammit," shouted Tony as he put the phone down and waited for Bush to talk to the Indian Prime Minister. He walked over to a little globe he had on his office table and circled India gleefully.
The phone rang and he ran to pick it up.
"Tony it is me," said George, "how many ships you got ready?"
"Aye aye sir, the Royal Navy is ready for action!" said Tony, standing at attention.
"You can send them to India," said Bush.
"To fight?" asked Blair happily.
"No to pick up their weapons of mass destruction."
"Whatcha talkin' about?" asked a confused Blair.
"Manmohan said you would know 'cause it is your people who made them," said Bush.
"What weapons of mass destruction?" whispered Blair uncertainly.
"Their politicians, their MPs, their MLAs," said Bush happily, "Manmohan said you could take them all back to England where they were trained years ago by your people to divide and rule..!"
Friday, August 13, 2010
ulta pulta
Examiner: Speak two lines about wife.
Santa : My wife is my right hand & in her absence, my right hand becomes my wife...
Santa : My wife is my right hand & in her absence, my right hand becomes my wife...
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
teeth vs tongue
Teeth said to Tongue “If I just press you little hard,
You will get cut.
Tongue replied: “If I misuse one word against someone,
Then all the 32 of you will come out at once”
******************************************************************************************
Nurse – “Mubarak ho.. Sardarji.. Aap papa ban gaye..”
Sardarji – ” Meri wife ko nahi bolna..
Main use surprise doonga..!”
You will get cut.
Tongue replied: “If I misuse one word against someone,
Then all the 32 of you will come out at once”
******************************************************************************************
Nurse – “Mubarak ho.. Sardarji.. Aap papa ban gaye..”
Sardarji – ” Meri wife ko nahi bolna..
Main use surprise doonga..!”
Sunday, August 8, 2010
: One Line Humour
Enjoy
[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.
[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.
[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.
[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.
[6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
[7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
[8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.
[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
[11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
[12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
[13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
[16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.
[17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.
[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.
[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something
[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak!
[22] Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.
[23]Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
[24]Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
[25]It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs. Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
[26]There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
[27]There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it!
[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.
[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.
[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.
[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.
[6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
[7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
[8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.
[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
[11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
[12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
[13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
[16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.
[17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.
[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.
[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something
[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak!
[22] Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.
[23]Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
[24]Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
[25]It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs. Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
[26]There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
[27]There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it!
u can keep it
Man : Officer! There’s a bomb in my garden!
Officer : Don’t worry. If no one claims it
Within three days, you can keep it.
************************************************************************
************************************************************
Maalik Naukar say : yeh tum kisi bhi kaam k liye
jaatay ho to wapas aanay main
2-3 ghantay kyun laga daitay ho. ?
Naukar : sahab aap nay he to kaha tha
k bijli ki tarah kaam karna ...
************************************************************************
*************************************************************************
santa was playing Chess with his Dog!
Friend : Aray wahhh! tera kutta to buhat intelligent hai....
santa : kiya khaak intelligent hai,
5 me sey 3 to mai jeeta hun...
Officer : Don’t worry. If no one claims it
Within three days, you can keep it.
************************************************************************
************************************************************
Maalik Naukar say : yeh tum kisi bhi kaam k liye
jaatay ho to wapas aanay main
2-3 ghantay kyun laga daitay ho. ?
Naukar : sahab aap nay he to kaha tha
k bijli ki tarah kaam karna ...
************************************************************************
*************************************************************************
santa was playing Chess with his Dog!
Friend : Aray wahhh! tera kutta to buhat intelligent hai....
santa : kiya khaak intelligent hai,
5 me sey 3 to mai jeeta hun...
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Mohammed's first day at school...Good One...!!!
Mohammed, a Pakistani child, entered his classroom on the first day of school in Ohio (USA)
"What is your name?" - asked the teacher.
"Mohammed". . .. - answered the kid.
"You are in America now. From now on your name will be Johnny,"
- replied the teacher.
In the evening, Mohammed returned home. "How was your day, Mohammed?"
- asked his mother.
"My name is not Mohammed. I'm in America and now my name is Johnny."
"Ah, are you ashamed of your name, are you trying to dishonor your
parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you!"
- and she beat him.
Then she called his father and he too beat him.
The next day Mohammed returned to school..
When the teacher saw him with all the bruises she asked, "What happened
to you little Johnny"?
Well ma'am, 4 hours after I became an American, I was attacked by two Pakistani's at home." J J J
"What is your name?" - asked the teacher.
"Mohammed". . .. - answered the kid.
"You are in America now. From now on your name will be Johnny,"
- replied the teacher.
In the evening, Mohammed returned home. "How was your day, Mohammed?"
- asked his mother.
"My name is not Mohammed. I'm in America and now my name is Johnny."
"Ah, are you ashamed of your name, are you trying to dishonor your
parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you!"
- and she beat him.
Then she called his father and he too beat him.
The next day Mohammed returned to school..
When the teacher saw him with all the bruises she asked, "What happened
to you little Johnny"?
Well ma'am, 4 hours after I became an American, I was attacked by two Pakistani's at home." J J J
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
cheating......
2 sardar in a coffee house
1st : Jaldi pi coffee thandi ho jaegi
2nd: To kya hoga?
1st: Bewkuf menu card dekh, hot coffee Rs.6 cold coffee RS.20.
**************************************************************************************
Three friends after exam.
Lucky: Yaar mujhey kuch nahi aata tha main paper khali chor aya Hon.
Banta: Main bhi!
Santa: Shit yaar, teacher samjhe GI hum NE cheating ki hay.
**LECTURER: Write a note on Gandhi Jayanti.
CIRCUIT WRITES: Gandhi was a great man,
But maa kasam I dont know who is Jayanti.
Koi locha-lafda hoga buddhe ka!
boss : pichle 6 mahino mein tumne kitni chhutiya li hai.
kabhi bimari,to kabhi honeymoon,
bacheki bimari.ab kya hai?
karamchari : kal meri shaadi hai.
Dr. to Patient's frnd: Agr 1 ghanta
pehle le aty to hum isy bacha lete.
Friend : Aby saly,
aadha ghanta pehle to iska accident
hua hai 1ghanta pehle kese le ata?
*********************************************************************
Santa College Ki Ladki se Bola
I love U!
Ab Tum Mujhe Bolo
Girl : Mai Abhi Ja K sir Ko Bolti Hu!
Santa : pagli sir Ko Mt Bol Unki Shadi Ho Gai Hai.
******************************
1st : Jaldi pi coffee thandi ho jaegi
2nd: To kya hoga?
1st: Bewkuf menu card dekh, hot coffee Rs.6 cold coffee RS.20.
**************************************************************************************
Three friends after exam.
Lucky: Yaar mujhey kuch nahi aata tha main paper khali chor aya Hon.
Banta: Main bhi!
Santa: Shit yaar, teacher samjhe GI hum NE cheating ki hay.
**LECTURER: Write a note on Gandhi Jayanti.
CIRCUIT WRITES: Gandhi was a great man,
But maa kasam I dont know who is Jayanti.
Koi locha-lafda hoga buddhe ka!
boss : pichle 6 mahino mein tumne kitni chhutiya li hai.
kabhi bimari,to kabhi honeymoon,
bacheki bimari.ab kya hai?
karamchari : kal meri shaadi hai.
Dr. to Patient's frnd: Agr 1 ghanta
pehle le aty to hum isy bacha lete.
Friend : Aby saly,
aadha ghanta pehle to iska accident
hua hai 1ghanta pehle kese le ata?
*********************************************************************
Santa College Ki Ladki se Bola
I love U!
Ab Tum Mujhe Bolo
Girl : Mai Abhi Ja K sir Ko Bolti Hu!
Santa : pagli sir Ko Mt Bol Unki Shadi Ho Gai Hai.
******************************
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
SANTA Da DANKA
Santa asks: Who r u?
Wife: How dare u forget ur wife?
Santa: Nasha har gam ko bhula deta hai
**********************************
Santa was busy in removing a wheel from auto,
Banta asks: Y r u removing a wheel from ur auto?
Santa: Can't u read 'Parking for two wheelers only'
**********************************
Santa: Doctor, ye phulon ki mala kis ke liye?
Doctor: Ye mera pehla operation hai, success hua to mere liye, nahi to tumhare liye.
**********************************
Santa: Doc Saab, mein Chashma laga ke pad to sakoonga?
Doc: Haan, bilkul.
Santa: To phir theek hai doc Saab varna Anpad aadmi ki zindagi bhi koi zindagi hai.
**********************************
Santa: Raat film main ek chudail kabhi mere aage, khabhi mere peechhe ghoom rahi thi...
Jeeto: Koun is film thi ?
Santa: Apni shaadi ki movie thi !
**********************************
Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from NASA to SATYANASA
**********************************
Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.
Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: I'm falling in love.
**********************************
Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?
Santa: Suicide karne ke liye
Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?
Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye
**********************************
Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna njoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets
Jeeto: Why 3?
Santa: For you and your parents
**********************************
Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.
**********************************
Lady Doc: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho kar auraton ko kyon ghoorte ho?
Santa: Ji aap hi NE bahar likha hai: Auraton ko dekhne ka samay 9am-11am
**********************************
A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.
**********************************
At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Santa: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
**********************************
In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr.....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...
**********************************
Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got irritated...
Drank poison & said,
Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!
**********************************
Captain of Military: Naujawanon aage bado Santa aage nahin bada
Captain: Tum aage kyun nahin bade?
Santa: Apne kaha 9 jawanon aage bado, mein 10ve number pe tha
**********************************
Banta: Yaar teri wife ki maut ka bara afsos hua, vaise hua kya tha?
Santa: Goli lagi thi mathe main.
Banta: Waheguru ji ka shukar kar ke aankh Bach gayi.
**********************************
Santa apni khoobsurat Bibi k saath car mein baitha. Driver NE sheesha set kiya.
Santa gusse mein bola, meri bibi ko dekhkta hai, piche baith, car mein chalaoonga!
**********************************
Santa: tainu Sunny Deol DA phone no pata hai...?
Banta: Nahin, kyon ki Hoya?
Santa: Yaaar asi Nalka patauna is.
**********************************
Banta: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all India Radio!
**********************************
Sadhu: Bachcha teri biwi ko chuddail chipak gayee hai. Upaaye karvaao.
Banta: Upayaye? Baba, agar do behenein gale mil rahi hain to is mein harz hi kya hai ?
**********************************
Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: Tipu's skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was child
**********************************
Napoleon: There is no such word as 'Impossible' in my dictionary.
Santa: To dictionary dekh kar kharidni thi ...!
**********************************
Santa: Agar tumhe kuch ho gaya to mein Pagal ho jaaunga.
Jeeto: Doosri shaadi to nahin karogey?
Santa: Pagal ka kya hai, kuch bhi kar sakta hai
**********************************
Banta: Yeh AUTOMATICALLY kya hota hai?
Santa: Oye tujhe yeh bhi nahin pata, Jab auto mein koi ganji ladki ja rahi ho to use kehte hain AUTO-ME-TAKLI
**********************************
Santa was riding on a horse. He jumped the red light & a cop whistles.
Santa lifts the tail of horse & says: 'Le Karle Number Note'
**********************************
Banta: Oye, TU to Doctor ke paas jaane waala tha, kya hua?
Santa: Yaar kal jaaonga, aaj thodi tabiyat kharab hai.
**********************************
Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.
Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.
**********************************
Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Santa: Who r u? Girl: Seeta here.
Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya
**********************************
Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery.
The shopkeeper asked: Exide laga du?
Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?
**********************************
Q: Why did Santa take his pregnant wife Jeeto to Pizza Hut? A:
Because they advertised: 'Free Delivery'
**********************************
Wife: How dare u forget ur wife?
Santa: Nasha har gam ko bhula deta hai
**********************************
Santa was busy in removing a wheel from auto,
Banta asks: Y r u removing a wheel from ur auto?
Santa: Can't u read 'Parking for two wheelers only'
**********************************
Santa: Doctor, ye phulon ki mala kis ke liye?
Doctor: Ye mera pehla operation hai, success hua to mere liye, nahi to tumhare liye.
**********************************
Santa: Doc Saab, mein Chashma laga ke pad to sakoonga?
Doc: Haan, bilkul.
Santa: To phir theek hai doc Saab varna Anpad aadmi ki zindagi bhi koi zindagi hai.
**********************************
Santa: Raat film main ek chudail kabhi mere aage, khabhi mere peechhe ghoom rahi thi...
Jeeto: Koun is film thi ?
Santa: Apni shaadi ki movie thi !
**********************************
Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from NASA to SATYANASA
**********************************
Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.
Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: I'm falling in love.
**********************************
Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?
Santa: Suicide karne ke liye
Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?
Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye
**********************************
Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna njoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets
Jeeto: Why 3?
Santa: For you and your parents
**********************************
Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.
**********************************
Lady Doc: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho kar auraton ko kyon ghoorte ho?
Santa: Ji aap hi NE bahar likha hai: Auraton ko dekhne ka samay 9am-11am
**********************************
A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.
**********************************
At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Santa: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
**********************************
In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr.....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...
**********************************
Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got irritated...
Drank poison & said,
Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!
**********************************
Captain of Military: Naujawanon aage bado Santa aage nahin bada
Captain: Tum aage kyun nahin bade?
Santa: Apne kaha 9 jawanon aage bado, mein 10ve number pe tha
**********************************
Banta: Yaar teri wife ki maut ka bara afsos hua, vaise hua kya tha?
Santa: Goli lagi thi mathe main.
Banta: Waheguru ji ka shukar kar ke aankh Bach gayi.
**********************************
Santa apni khoobsurat Bibi k saath car mein baitha. Driver NE sheesha set kiya.
Santa gusse mein bola, meri bibi ko dekhkta hai, piche baith, car mein chalaoonga!
**********************************
Santa: tainu Sunny Deol DA phone no pata hai...?
Banta: Nahin, kyon ki Hoya?
Santa: Yaaar asi Nalka patauna is.
**********************************
Banta: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all India Radio!
**********************************
Sadhu: Bachcha teri biwi ko chuddail chipak gayee hai. Upaaye karvaao.
Banta: Upayaye? Baba, agar do behenein gale mil rahi hain to is mein harz hi kya hai ?
**********************************
Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: Tipu's skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was child
**********************************
Napoleon: There is no such word as 'Impossible' in my dictionary.
Santa: To dictionary dekh kar kharidni thi ...!
**********************************
Santa: Agar tumhe kuch ho gaya to mein Pagal ho jaaunga.
Jeeto: Doosri shaadi to nahin karogey?
Santa: Pagal ka kya hai, kuch bhi kar sakta hai
**********************************
Banta: Yeh AUTOMATICALLY kya hota hai?
Santa: Oye tujhe yeh bhi nahin pata, Jab auto mein koi ganji ladki ja rahi ho to use kehte hain AUTO-ME-TAKLI
**********************************
Santa was riding on a horse. He jumped the red light & a cop whistles.
Santa lifts the tail of horse & says: 'Le Karle Number Note'
**********************************
Banta: Oye, TU to Doctor ke paas jaane waala tha, kya hua?
Santa: Yaar kal jaaonga, aaj thodi tabiyat kharab hai.
**********************************
Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.
Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.
**********************************
Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Santa: Who r u? Girl: Seeta here.
Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya
**********************************
Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery.
The shopkeeper asked: Exide laga du?
Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?
**********************************
Q: Why did Santa take his pregnant wife Jeeto to Pizza Hut? A:
Because they advertised: 'Free Delivery'
**********************************
Sardar to Girlfriend= Darling main
tum se shaadi nahi karsakta .
gharwale mana karrahe hai.
Girlfriend= Tumhare ghar me kaun kaun hai?
Sardar= 1 biwi aur 3 bacche
***********************************************************************
a sardar on an interview for the post
of detective was asked a question.
interviewer : Who Killed Gandhi Gee?
Sardar : Thanks for giving me
the job i will investigate.
***********************************************************************
Santa saw a beautiful gal...
he went and smooched her.
Gal - What are you doing?
Santa: Law, 4th semester from Punjab University.
************************************************************************
************************************************************************
Jyotish : Tumhri life men 14 larkyan ayen gi
Boy : "Oh yess... What a life!"
Jyotish : Ziyada khush mat ho.
1 Biwi or 13 betyan hongi.
***********************************************************************
Santa: Yaar aaj to 1 Rs.
me 3 amrood mil gye.
Banta: Wo kaise?
Santa: 1 Rs. ka 1 usne dia,
1 mai utha k bhag gya,
or 1 usne muje fek ke mara...
******************************
tum se shaadi nahi karsakta .
gharwale mana karrahe hai.
Girlfriend= Tumhare ghar me kaun kaun hai?
Sardar= 1 biwi aur 3 bacche
***********************************************************************
a sardar on an interview for the post
of detective was asked a question.
interviewer : Who Killed Gandhi Gee?
Sardar : Thanks for giving me
the job i will investigate.
***********************************************************************
Santa saw a beautiful gal...
he went and smooched her.
Gal - What are you doing?
Santa: Law, 4th semester from Punjab University.
************************************************************************
************************************************************************
Jyotish : Tumhri life men 14 larkyan ayen gi
Boy : "Oh yess... What a life!"
Jyotish : Ziyada khush mat ho.
1 Biwi or 13 betyan hongi.
***********************************************************************
Santa: Yaar aaj to 1 Rs.
me 3 amrood mil gye.
Banta: Wo kaise?
Santa: 1 Rs. ka 1 usne dia,
1 mai utha k bhag gya,
or 1 usne muje fek ke mara...
******************************
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
WOMAN"S EAR
A man lost both ears in an accident. No plastic surgeon could offer him a solution.
He heard of a very good one in Sweden, and went to him. The new surgeon examined him, thought a while, and said, 'yes, I can put you right.'
After the operation, bandages off, stitches out, he goes to his hotel.
The morning after, in a rage, he calls his surgeon, and yells, 'You swine, you gave me a woman's ears.'
'Well, an ear is an ear. It makes no difference whether it is a man's or a woman's.'
'You're wrong! I hear everything, but I don't understand a thing!'
He heard of a very good one in Sweden, and went to him. The new surgeon examined him, thought a while, and said, 'yes, I can put you right.'
After the operation, bandages off, stitches out, he goes to his hotel.
The morning after, in a rage, he calls his surgeon, and yells, 'You swine, you gave me a woman's ears.'
'Well, an ear is an ear. It makes no difference whether it is a man's or a woman's.'
'You're wrong! I hear everything, but I don't understand a thing!'
JUST AN ELEVATOR
An older Desi couple having taken all their past vacations either staying at home, or at friends’ and relatives’ homes in other cities decided now to stay in a top name luxury Hotel for an experience in a resort city and to cash an off-season discount coupon.
They came to the grandiose hotel, got their room keys and Bellman started escorting them.
A door opened, Husband and wife looked at each other with a big gasp.
Desi always devised their games to get better and more return for their money. The outspoken wife with tacit consent from the husband started blasting at the Bellman.
"You know we are from India. You can't fool us. You promise grand room, great view and this room does not even have a window, I don't see any bathroom. Do we have to toilet in the lobby? You think we don't know it. We have a distant cousin running a grocery store here in town, we will stay with them. I want to talk to your manager and we want our money back’’
The bellman explained politely, “Ma'am this is not your room. This is just our elevator to take you to your room.”
They came to the grandiose hotel, got their room keys and Bellman started escorting them.
A door opened, Husband and wife looked at each other with a big gasp.
Desi always devised their games to get better and more return for their money. The outspoken wife with tacit consent from the husband started blasting at the Bellman.
"You know we are from India. You can't fool us. You promise grand room, great view and this room does not even have a window, I don't see any bathroom. Do we have to toilet in the lobby? You think we don't know it. We have a distant cousin running a grocery store here in town, we will stay with them. I want to talk to your manager and we want our money back’’
The bellman explained politely, “Ma'am this is not your room. This is just our elevator to take you to your room.”
SANTA ATTACK
Santa had always been worried that why he has one brother while his sister has two?????
**********
Santa selling parachute, tells the customer "jump from plane n press button & you can land safely."
CUSTOMER: if it doesn't open????
SARDAR : PAISA WAPAS.......
**********
Santa is walking along the road. He sees a banana peel. What does he think??
"UFF, Aj phir girna padega!!"
Then next day he is walking along the road, he sees two banana peels. What does he think????????
"Ispe se giru, ya uspe se????"
Then the day after that he sees a lot of banana peels on the road. So he calls home and tells his wife..
"AAj ghar late aaoonga!!"
**********
After making a trip of South India, Santa Singh, his wife and his son were returning to Punjab in Tamilnadu Express.
Santa Singh was occupying the lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train. When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the son requested Santa Singh to bring him a cup of Ice cream to which Santa readily agreed.
When Santa and his son returned they found that a South Indian who couldn't understand Hindi had occupied his son's berth.
Outraged, Santa Singh called the TT and asked him to help. TT requested that he could not understand Hindi/Punjabi so it would be better if Santa Singh explained the whole situation to him in English.
Santa Singh explained, "That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."
**********
Bush: Impossible does not come in my dictionary...
Santa: Phir dictionary dhek ke kharidni chahiye thi na. .
**********
Ekbar light gai hui thi.
SANTA : arre Banta bahuat garmi ho rahi hai, zara pankha lagana..
BANTA : kardi na sardaronwali baat!! Pankha lagaya to moombatti bujh na jayegi??
**********
Customer: Is mirror ki guarantee kya hai?
Santa : It is 99% safe.! 100 feet se fenkoge to 99 feet tak kuchh nahi hoga"!
**********
Teacher to Santa " Where were U born?
Santa : In Tiruvanantapuram.
Teacher : Spell it?
Santa : (after thinking) I think I was born in GOA.
**********
Santa : People consider me as a "GOD"
Banta : How do you know??
Santa : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD ! U have come again..
**********
Santa complained 2 Police : Sir all items are missing, except the TV in my house.
Police : How the theif did not take TV???
Santa : I was watching TV na....
**********
Thought for the Day!!!
If you call your mother as MUM.. What will you call Mother's younger sis and elder sis?
Answer : MINIMUM & MAXIMUM
**********
When do you congratulate someone for their Mistake?
Answer : On their Wedding !!
**********
Whats the height of Intelligence?
Answer : A 99 year old Santa going for HUTCH ka naya lifetime scheme ..
**********
**********
Santa selling parachute, tells the customer "jump from plane n press button & you can land safely."
CUSTOMER: if it doesn't open????
SARDAR : PAISA WAPAS.......
**********
Santa is walking along the road. He sees a banana peel. What does he think??
"UFF, Aj phir girna padega!!"
Then next day he is walking along the road, he sees two banana peels. What does he think????????
"Ispe se giru, ya uspe se????"
Then the day after that he sees a lot of banana peels on the road. So he calls home and tells his wife..
"AAj ghar late aaoonga!!"
**********
After making a trip of South India, Santa Singh, his wife and his son were returning to Punjab in Tamilnadu Express.
Santa Singh was occupying the lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train. When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the son requested Santa Singh to bring him a cup of Ice cream to which Santa readily agreed.
When Santa and his son returned they found that a South Indian who couldn't understand Hindi had occupied his son's berth.
Outraged, Santa Singh called the TT and asked him to help. TT requested that he could not understand Hindi/Punjabi so it would be better if Santa Singh explained the whole situation to him in English.
Santa Singh explained, "That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."
**********
Bush: Impossible does not come in my dictionary...
Santa: Phir dictionary dhek ke kharidni chahiye thi na. .
**********
Ekbar light gai hui thi.
SANTA : arre Banta bahuat garmi ho rahi hai, zara pankha lagana..
BANTA : kardi na sardaronwali baat!! Pankha lagaya to moombatti bujh na jayegi??
**********
Customer: Is mirror ki guarantee kya hai?
Santa : It is 99% safe.! 100 feet se fenkoge to 99 feet tak kuchh nahi hoga"!
**********
Teacher to Santa " Where were U born?
Santa : In Tiruvanantapuram.
Teacher : Spell it?
Santa : (after thinking) I think I was born in GOA.
**********
Santa : People consider me as a "GOD"
Banta : How do you know??
Santa : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD ! U have come again..
**********
Santa complained 2 Police : Sir all items are missing, except the TV in my house.
Police : How the theif did not take TV???
Santa : I was watching TV na....
**********
Thought for the Day!!!
If you call your mother as MUM.. What will you call Mother's younger sis and elder sis?
Answer : MINIMUM & MAXIMUM
**********
When do you congratulate someone for their Mistake?
Answer : On their Wedding !!
**********
Whats the height of Intelligence?
Answer : A 99 year old Santa going for HUTCH ka naya lifetime scheme ..
**********
sardar again
A donkey kicked a Sardar & ran away
Sardar ran to catch the donkey.
He saw a zebra & started beating it & said 'SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka
De raha hai'.
SWOT BOOK filled by Santa.
1.Strength:My wife,Jeeto.
2.Weakness:Banta's wife, Preeto.
3.Oppurtunity: When Banta is on tour.
4.Threat: When I am on tour
Sardar: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.
Jeeto: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml
Now it's 2 ltr.
Santa went to Mysore palace.
Tourist guide - Santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan's chair
Santa - Oye dont worry yaar I'll get up when he comes.!!..
Sardar wanted to make a STD call to Punjab,
He wanted to save money so what did he do?
Simple, he went to Punjab and made a local call.
One tourist from U.S.A.asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village?
Sardar: No sir, only small babies!!!
A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn't turns up for four days.
Lady calls again.
Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one
Comes out
2 sardars were fighting after exam.
Sir: Y r u fighting?
1st Sardar: This fool left the answer sheet blank,
Sir: So what?
1st Sardar: Even I did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both
Copied.
Sardar 1: I'm very kanjoos, I went 2 honeymoon alone & saved 1/2 money.
Sardar 2: You R nothing I saved all my money, my friend was going & I sent
My wife with him.
A scene from Kohn Benega Crorepati....
Amitabh : In which state the river Kaveri flows?
Sardar : Liquid state.....
Audience clapped.. Amitabh stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE SARDARS.......
Sardar ran to catch the donkey.
He saw a zebra & started beating it & said 'SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka
De raha hai'.
SWOT BOOK filled by Santa.
1.Strength:My wife,Jeeto.
2.Weakness:Banta's wife, Preeto.
3.Oppurtunity: When Banta is on tour.
4.Threat: When I am on tour
Sardar: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.
Jeeto: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml
Now it's 2 ltr.
Santa went to Mysore palace.
Tourist guide - Santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan's chair
Santa - Oye dont worry yaar I'll get up when he comes.!!..
Sardar wanted to make a STD call to Punjab,
He wanted to save money so what did he do?
Simple, he went to Punjab and made a local call.
One tourist from U.S.A.asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village?
Sardar: No sir, only small babies!!!
A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn't turns up for four days.
Lady calls again.
Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one
Comes out
2 sardars were fighting after exam.
Sir: Y r u fighting?
1st Sardar: This fool left the answer sheet blank,
Sir: So what?
1st Sardar: Even I did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both
Copied.
Sardar 1: I'm very kanjoos, I went 2 honeymoon alone & saved 1/2 money.
Sardar 2: You R nothing I saved all my money, my friend was going & I sent
My wife with him.
A scene from Kohn Benega Crorepati....
Amitabh : In which state the river Kaveri flows?
Sardar : Liquid state.....
Audience clapped.. Amitabh stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE SARDARS.......
Thursday, July 15, 2010
time for laugh
Wife: Aap bahut mote ho gaye ho.
Santa: Tum bhi toh kitni moti ho gayi ho,
Wife: Main toh maa banne wali hoon!
Santa: Main bhi toh baap banne wala hoon.
***********************************************
Ek aadmi bada dukhi tha!
Ek dost NE uss se poocha, œKyu, tension mein ho.
Aadmi: Yaar ek dost ko plastic surgery ke liye 2 lakh rupeey diye thay, AB saale ko peehchan nahi pa raha hoon!
*****************************************************
Customer: Ek kilo gaay(cow) ka doodh dena.
Shopkeper: Lekin tumhara bartan toh bahut chhota hai.
Customer: Theek hai toh phir bakri ka de de.
*******************************************************
Santa: Yaar aaj pehli bar Maine accha kaam kya, jiss par logon NE mujhe bohat mara!
Banta: Who kya..
Santa: Ek makan mein aag lagi thi, aur andar kuch log thay, Maine window tori aur andar ja kar sab logon ko bahar nikal diya.
Banta: Toh logon NE kyun mara
Santa: Yaar, kyun ke who sab log fire fighter thay!
****************************************************
Mallika arrived at a Railway Station for a shooting.
Bhikhari: Behanji 1 rupiya dedo.
Malika gave him 1000 Rs.
Secretary: Why u gave him 1000 Rs..?
Malika: Pehli bar kisine behan kaha!
***************************************************
Pathan Kaun Banega Crorepati Mein:
Q: What is you father name?
Pathan: Plz Options?
A. Dilawar
B. Changez
C. Feroz
D. Sultan
Pathan: Life line 50/50
A. Dilawar
C. Feroze
Pathan: Audience Vote.
75% Dilawar
25% Feroze
Pathan: I want to use My last life line œPhone a friend.
Kisko call karengy?
******************************************************
Ek larka apni girlfriend se milne gaya, kuch baat ke baad uski girlfirend chaye(tea) banane ke liye kitchen chali gayi.
Girlfriend ka mobile sofay pe dekh kar larky NE socha ke chalo dekhte hai mera number iss NE kis naam se save kya hai?
Dear, sweetu ya jaanu.
Jab usne misscall di toh screen pe likh raha tha œMurgha No.5? Calling .
*******************************************************
Pappu ek party mein gaya aur waha usne 8 butter naan kha liye.
Kuch der baad toilet mein pet pakad ke ro raha tha bhagwan se request kar raha tha ki, œHey bhagwan ya toh jaan nikal de ya naan nikal de!
********************************************************
Maalik: Tum bathroom mein kyu ghus aaye, Kya tumhe pata nahi tha ki mein naha raha hoon?
Naukar: Hazur galti ho gayi, mein samjha tha begum sahiba hai.
***********************************************************
Ek 10 saal ka bachha bahot dhyan se ek book pad raha tha, jiska title tha: œKids ka paalan poshan kaise kare .
Mother: Tum yeh book kyon pad rahe ho.
Kid: Main yeh dekhna chahta hoon ke mera paalan poshan theek Tara se ho raha hai ya nahi.
************************************************************
Ek chor amir aadmi ke ghar mein chori karne gaya. Tijori pe likha tha œTijori ko todne ki jaroorat nahi hai, 452 number press karke sahmne vala lal batan dabao, tijori khul jayegi. Jaise hi batan daba alarm Baja aur police AA gayi.
Jate jate chor Seth se bola: Aaj mera insaaniyat se vishwas uth gaya hai!
****************************************************************
Santa: Tum bhi toh kitni moti ho gayi ho,
Wife: Main toh maa banne wali hoon!
Santa: Main bhi toh baap banne wala hoon.
***********************************************
Ek aadmi bada dukhi tha!
Ek dost NE uss se poocha, œKyu, tension mein ho.
Aadmi: Yaar ek dost ko plastic surgery ke liye 2 lakh rupeey diye thay, AB saale ko peehchan nahi pa raha hoon!
*****************************************************
Customer: Ek kilo gaay(cow) ka doodh dena.
Shopkeper: Lekin tumhara bartan toh bahut chhota hai.
Customer: Theek hai toh phir bakri ka de de.
*******************************************************
Santa: Yaar aaj pehli bar Maine accha kaam kya, jiss par logon NE mujhe bohat mara!
Banta: Who kya..
Santa: Ek makan mein aag lagi thi, aur andar kuch log thay, Maine window tori aur andar ja kar sab logon ko bahar nikal diya.
Banta: Toh logon NE kyun mara
Santa: Yaar, kyun ke who sab log fire fighter thay!
****************************************************
Mallika arrived at a Railway Station for a shooting.
Bhikhari: Behanji 1 rupiya dedo.
Malika gave him 1000 Rs.
Secretary: Why u gave him 1000 Rs..?
Malika: Pehli bar kisine behan kaha!
***************************************************
Pathan Kaun Banega Crorepati Mein:
Q: What is you father name?
Pathan: Plz Options?
A. Dilawar
B. Changez
C. Feroz
D. Sultan
Pathan: Life line 50/50
A. Dilawar
C. Feroze
Pathan: Audience Vote.
75% Dilawar
25% Feroze
Pathan: I want to use My last life line œPhone a friend.
Kisko call karengy?
******************************************************
Ek larka apni girlfriend se milne gaya, kuch baat ke baad uski girlfirend chaye(tea) banane ke liye kitchen chali gayi.
Girlfriend ka mobile sofay pe dekh kar larky NE socha ke chalo dekhte hai mera number iss NE kis naam se save kya hai?
Dear, sweetu ya jaanu.
Jab usne misscall di toh screen pe likh raha tha œMurgha No.5? Calling .
*******************************************************
Pappu ek party mein gaya aur waha usne 8 butter naan kha liye.
Kuch der baad toilet mein pet pakad ke ro raha tha bhagwan se request kar raha tha ki, œHey bhagwan ya toh jaan nikal de ya naan nikal de!
********************************************************
Maalik: Tum bathroom mein kyu ghus aaye, Kya tumhe pata nahi tha ki mein naha raha hoon?
Naukar: Hazur galti ho gayi, mein samjha tha begum sahiba hai.
***********************************************************
Ek 10 saal ka bachha bahot dhyan se ek book pad raha tha, jiska title tha: œKids ka paalan poshan kaise kare .
Mother: Tum yeh book kyon pad rahe ho.
Kid: Main yeh dekhna chahta hoon ke mera paalan poshan theek Tara se ho raha hai ya nahi.
************************************************************
Ek chor amir aadmi ke ghar mein chori karne gaya. Tijori pe likha tha œTijori ko todne ki jaroorat nahi hai, 452 number press karke sahmne vala lal batan dabao, tijori khul jayegi. Jaise hi batan daba alarm Baja aur police AA gayi.
Jate jate chor Seth se bola: Aaj mera insaaniyat se vishwas uth gaya hai!
****************************************************************
Connection with God
A 70-year-old man went to the doctor's for a physical.
The doctor ran some tests and said to the man, "Well, everything seems to be in top condition physically, but what about mentally? How is your connection with God?"
And the man answered, "Oh me and God? We have a really tight bond, he's so good to me. Every night when I have to get up to go to the bathroom, he turns on the light for me, and then, when I leave, he turns it back off."
The Doctor was astonished.
He called the man's wife and said, "I'd like to speak to you about your husband's connection with God. He claims that every night when he needs to use the restroom, God turns on the light for him and turns it off for him again when he leaves. Is this true?"
And she said, "That idiot, he's been peeing in the refrigerator!"
********
The doctor ran some tests and said to the man, "Well, everything seems to be in top condition physically, but what about mentally? How is your connection with God?"
And the man answered, "Oh me and God? We have a really tight bond, he's so good to me. Every night when I have to get up to go to the bathroom, he turns on the light for me, and then, when I leave, he turns it back off."
The Doctor was astonished.
He called the man's wife and said, "I'd like to speak to you about your husband's connection with God. He claims that every night when he needs to use the restroom, God turns on the light for him and turns it off for him again when he leaves. Is this true?"
And she said, "That idiot, he's been peeing in the refrigerator!"
********
The Loyal wife
There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.
Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."
And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.
Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.
When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!" She had a box her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket.
Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.
So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband."
The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm an honest loyal wife, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."
"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?"
"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check.. If he can cash it, he can spend it."
**************
Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."
And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.
Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.
When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!" She had a box her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket.
Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.
So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband."
The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm an honest loyal wife, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."
"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?"
"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check.. If he can cash it, he can spend it."
**************
ginni
A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genie's lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared.
The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The Genie said, "Nope... due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So...what will it be?"
The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."
The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Gadzooks, lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good but not THAT good! Don't think it can be done. Make another wish."
The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, is good in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That's what I wish for...a good mate."
The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Let me see that map again!"
The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The Genie said, "Nope... due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So...what will it be?"
The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."
The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Gadzooks, lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good but not THAT good! Don't think it can be done. Make another wish."
The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, is good in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That's what I wish for...a good mate."
The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Let me see that map again!"
relaxing.......
********************************************************************
Santa : Why did the man put his radio in his refrigerator?
Banta : I give up.
Santa : Stupid, because he wanted to hear cool music.
********************************************************************
1 Sardar beach per leta hua tha.
1 Angraiz wahan se guzra aur sardar se pucha: Are you relaxing?
Sardar: No, I am Ranjeet Singh.
Phir dobara 1 angraiz wahan se guzra aur yehi pucha.
Sardar: No, I am Ranjeet Singh.
Aur ye keh kar uth gaya aur apne se thodi door lete hoye angraiz se pucha:
Are you relaxing?
Angraiz: Yes I am relaxing
Sardar: Thapar mar k bola, Kamine TU idhar laita hua hai,
Wahan itne log tujhe dhoond rahe hain.
*********************************************************************
Santa : Why did the man put his radio in his refrigerator?
Banta : I give up.
Santa : Stupid, because he wanted to hear cool music.
********************************************************************
1 Sardar beach per leta hua tha.
1 Angraiz wahan se guzra aur sardar se pucha: Are you relaxing?
Sardar: No, I am Ranjeet Singh.
Phir dobara 1 angraiz wahan se guzra aur yehi pucha.
Sardar: No, I am Ranjeet Singh.
Aur ye keh kar uth gaya aur apne se thodi door lete hoye angraiz se pucha:
Are you relaxing?
Angraiz: Yes I am relaxing
Sardar: Thapar mar k bola, Kamine TU idhar laita hua hai,
Wahan itne log tujhe dhoond rahe hain.
*********************************************************************
shiv ji aur santasingh
Santa Singh needed some money desperately. Banta Tells him that if he prays to Shivji in a temple, his prayers would surely be answered.
So Santa goes to a Shiva temple. The temple had a large Lord Shiva statue. Santa closes his eyes, bows his head, joins his hands and says his prayer.
Santa: "Ho Jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho.
Saannoo 100 rupayen chahiye. Kripa karo."
The priest sees Santa praying. He wants to help Santa but knows that a Sikh will never accept the money. So he drops a 100-rupee note,from behind the statue, so that Santa can not see him.
After Santa had said his prayers, and opens his eyes. He sees the note
and thinks that god has listened to his prayers. He takes the note and goes away.
However he is back again next day for money. Now the priest is really annoyed with Santa.
The Priest decides that he is not going to give any more money to Santa. He changes the big Shivji statue with a smaller one of Ganapathi that day.
Once again Santa goes to the prayer room. However he does not notice the difference.
Santa closes his eyes, bows his head, joins his hands and says his prayer.
Santa: "Ho Jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho.
Ajj to saannoo 50 rupayen hi chahiye. Kirpa karo."
After that he slowly opens his eyes and does not find any money. So he lowers his demand a bit.
Santa: "O papa jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho. Asee 10 rupayen me hi kaam chala lenge. Kirpa karo jee."
Again he slowly opens his eyes and does not find any money. He slowly raises his head and now notices the small Ganapathi statue. He carefully looks left and then right, and then slowly moves a bit forward near the statue.
Then he whispers to the statue: "Puttar, Papa kitthe hein ??!!
So Santa goes to a Shiva temple. The temple had a large Lord Shiva statue. Santa closes his eyes, bows his head, joins his hands and says his prayer.
Santa: "Ho Jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho.
Saannoo 100 rupayen chahiye. Kripa karo."
The priest sees Santa praying. He wants to help Santa but knows that a Sikh will never accept the money. So he drops a 100-rupee note,from behind the statue, so that Santa can not see him.
After Santa had said his prayers, and opens his eyes. He sees the note
and thinks that god has listened to his prayers. He takes the note and goes away.
However he is back again next day for money. Now the priest is really annoyed with Santa.
The Priest decides that he is not going to give any more money to Santa. He changes the big Shivji statue with a smaller one of Ganapathi that day.
Once again Santa goes to the prayer room. However he does not notice the difference.
Santa closes his eyes, bows his head, joins his hands and says his prayer.
Santa: "Ho Jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho.
Ajj to saannoo 50 rupayen hi chahiye. Kirpa karo."
After that he slowly opens his eyes and does not find any money. So he lowers his demand a bit.
Santa: "O papa jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho. Asee 10 rupayen me hi kaam chala lenge. Kirpa karo jee."
Again he slowly opens his eyes and does not find any money. He slowly raises his head and now notices the small Ganapathi statue. He carefully looks left and then right, and then slowly moves a bit forward near the statue.
Then he whispers to the statue: "Puttar, Papa kitthe hein ??!!
fun time
Sardar : My mobile bill how much?
Call Centre Girl : Sir, just dial 123to know current bill status
Sardar : Stupid, not CURRENT BILL MY MOBILE BILL.
************************************************************
Friend : I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife!
Sardar : Wow!!! That's an unbelievable exchange offer!!!
************************************************************
Teacher : Which is the oldest animal in world?
Sardar : ZEBRA
Teacher : How?
Sardar : Bcoz it is Black & White
***********************************************************
Judge : Don't U have shame? It is d 3rd time U R coming to court..
Sardar to judge : U R coming daily, don't U have shame?
***********************************************************
Question : "Should Women have Children after 35?"
Smart Sardar Replied : "No!
35 Children R More than Enough!!"
***********************************************************
Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.
Manager : Do U know MS Office?
Sardar : If U give me the address I will go there sir.
**********************************************************
Sardar got a sms from his girl friend: "I MISS YOU"
Sardarji replied: "I Mr YOU" !!.
**********************************************************
After finishing MBBS Sardar started his practice. He Checked 1st Patient's
Eyes, Tongue & Ears By Torch & Finallly Said:
"Torch is okay"
**********************************************************
Sardar1: Oye, what will happen if electricity is not discovered?
Sardar2: Nothing, we must watch TV in candle light.
**********************************************************
Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay .... While its landing he shouted: " Bombay
... Bombay "
Air hostess said : "B silent."
Sardar : "Ok.. Ombay. Ombay"
**********************************************************
Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?"
Sardar: "All are born on government holidays...!!!
***********************************************************
Sir : What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sardar : Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE
Call Centre Girl : Sir, just dial 123to know current bill status
Sardar : Stupid, not CURRENT BILL MY MOBILE BILL.
************************************************************
Friend : I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife!
Sardar : Wow!!! That's an unbelievable exchange offer!!!
************************************************************
Teacher : Which is the oldest animal in world?
Sardar : ZEBRA
Teacher : How?
Sardar : Bcoz it is Black & White
***********************************************************
Judge : Don't U have shame? It is d 3rd time U R coming to court..
Sardar to judge : U R coming daily, don't U have shame?
***********************************************************
Question : "Should Women have Children after 35?"
Smart Sardar Replied : "No!
35 Children R More than Enough!!"
***********************************************************
Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.
Manager : Do U know MS Office?
Sardar : If U give me the address I will go there sir.
**********************************************************
Sardar got a sms from his girl friend: "I MISS YOU"
Sardarji replied: "I Mr YOU" !!.
**********************************************************
After finishing MBBS Sardar started his practice. He Checked 1st Patient's
Eyes, Tongue & Ears By Torch & Finallly Said:
"Torch is okay"
**********************************************************
Sardar1: Oye, what will happen if electricity is not discovered?
Sardar2: Nothing, we must watch TV in candle light.
**********************************************************
Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay .... While its landing he shouted: " Bombay
... Bombay "
Air hostess said : "B silent."
Sardar : "Ok.. Ombay. Ombay"
**********************************************************
Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?"
Sardar: "All are born on government holidays...!!!
***********************************************************
Sir : What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sardar : Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Do you know the relation between two eyes?
They never see each other....... ... BUT
They blink together
They move together
They cry together
They see things together
They sleep together
They share a very deep bonded relationship
However, when they see a woman, one will blink and another will not.
Moral of the story:
Woman can break any kind of relationship! !!
They blink together
They move together
They cry together
They see things together
They sleep together
They share a very deep bonded relationship
However, when they see a woman, one will blink and another will not.
Moral of the story:
Woman can break any kind of relationship! !!
SMART THINKING
THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.
SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY.
"THAT WAS MY PAGER," SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM.
A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, "THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE.
I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND." THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW TECH. NOT TO BE OUTDONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE.
SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END.
THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.
THE WOMAN FINALLY SAID, "WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT....I'M GETTING A FAX!!
SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY.
"THAT WAS MY PAGER," SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM.
A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, "THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE.
I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND." THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW TECH. NOT TO BE OUTDONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE.
SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END.
THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.
THE WOMAN FINALLY SAID, "WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT....I'M GETTING A FAX!!
Sweetest part in life is 2 carry all the memories in life.
But. . ..
Toughest part is 2 say good bye to the person who is behind those memories!
**************************************************************************************
Santa Platfrom k side leta tha
Banta-Kya kar rahe ho?
Santa-Suicide
Banta-to beach me leto
Santa-Dar lagta hai...
****************************************************************************************
Sardar: Will u marry , after I die .
Wife : No I will live with my sister.
Wife : Will u marry , after I die.
Sardar: No I will also live with ur sister.
But. . ..
Toughest part is 2 say good bye to the person who is behind those memories!
**************************************************************************************
Santa Platfrom k side leta tha
Banta-Kya kar rahe ho?
Santa-Suicide
Banta-to beach me leto
Santa-Dar lagta hai...
****************************************************************************************
Sardar: Will u marry , after I die .
Wife : No I will live with my sister.
Wife : Will u marry , after I die.
Sardar: No I will also live with ur sister.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Embarrassing Situation
A very shy young man goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting alone.
After an hour he gathers enough courage to go and ask her,
"Er... excuse me, but would you mind if I sat here beside you?"
She responds in a loud voice :
"NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"
Everyone in the bar turns to stare at them.
The young man is surprised, shocked and embarrassed and goes back to his table.
After a few minutes the woman walks over to him smiles, apologizes, and says,
"You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
The young man responds loudly with,
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN FIVE THOUSAND RUPEES. FOR ONE NIGHT ? ! THATS TOO MUCH !"
After an hour he gathers enough courage to go and ask her,
"Er... excuse me, but would you mind if I sat here beside you?"
She responds in a loud voice :
"NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"
Everyone in the bar turns to stare at them.
The young man is surprised, shocked and embarrassed and goes back to his table.
After a few minutes the woman walks over to him smiles, apologizes, and says,
"You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
The young man responds loudly with,
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN FIVE THOUSAND RUPEES. FOR ONE NIGHT ? ! THATS TOO MUCH !"
PROBLEM
Patient: mujhe problem hai. Na khaon to bhok lagti hai, na sou to neend aati hai, zada kam kar k thak jata hoon.
Doctor : sari raat dhoop main betho theek ho jao gaye.
~~~~~~~~~
Wife: main tang AA AI tusi hamesha mera ghar, meri car, mera beta, mera mera he karde ho. Kade sada v keha karo, Hun almari vitchon ki lab rahe ho?
Sardar: sada Kachha :p
~~~~~~~~~
Sardar ji was buying ticket on every station.
Friend: why don't u buy 1 ticket for the whole trip?
Sardar ji: my doctor told me not to take long trips.
~~~~~~~~~
Sardar: tere result DA ki banya?
Pappu: madam kendi is class vich 1 saal hor lagana hai.
Sardar: phir theek hai, saal chahe 2,3 hor lag jayn, bas fail na hona.
Doctor : sari raat dhoop main betho theek ho jao gaye.
~~~~~~~~~
Wife: main tang AA AI tusi hamesha mera ghar, meri car, mera beta, mera mera he karde ho. Kade sada v keha karo, Hun almari vitchon ki lab rahe ho?
Sardar: sada Kachha :p
~~~~~~~~~
Sardar ji was buying ticket on every station.
Friend: why don't u buy 1 ticket for the whole trip?
Sardar ji: my doctor told me not to take long trips.
~~~~~~~~~
Sardar: tere result DA ki banya?
Pappu: madam kendi is class vich 1 saal hor lagana hai.
Sardar: phir theek hai, saal chahe 2,3 hor lag jayn, bas fail na hona.
brain ka operation
Doctor patient k peche bhag raha tha.
Ek admi NE pocha kya hua?
Doctor: 4 baar aisa he hua hai sala brain ka opreation karwane aata hai aur baal katwa k chala jata hai.
~~~~~~~~~
Ek sardar roz apne kitchen main jata, sugar box kholta aur band kar deta,
Why?
Because Dr. NE Jo kaha tha k apni sugar roz check karna.
~~~~~~~~~
Sardar: yar kal main bathroom gaya to wahan sher tha,
2nd sardar: hain phir tum NE kya kiya?
1st: kuch nahi main NE sher se kaha aap kar lo meri to nikal gai hai.
~~~~~~~~~
Pathan girl friend ko ghar Le gaya,
Sab darwaze khirkiyan band kardin,
Parde gira diye light off kar k us k pass aya aur kaha : dekho humara watch main light jalta hai.
Ek admi NE pocha kya hua?
Doctor: 4 baar aisa he hua hai sala brain ka opreation karwane aata hai aur baal katwa k chala jata hai.
~~~~~~~~~
Ek sardar roz apne kitchen main jata, sugar box kholta aur band kar deta,
Why?
Because Dr. NE Jo kaha tha k apni sugar roz check karna.
~~~~~~~~~
Sardar: yar kal main bathroom gaya to wahan sher tha,
2nd sardar: hain phir tum NE kya kiya?
1st: kuch nahi main NE sher se kaha aap kar lo meri to nikal gai hai.
~~~~~~~~~
Pathan girl friend ko ghar Le gaya,
Sab darwaze khirkiyan band kardin,
Parde gira diye light off kar k us k pass aya aur kaha : dekho humara watch main light jalta hai.
intelliGENT,
Boy: Boys are always more intelligent than girls
Girl: Any proof?
Boy: We always say intelliGENT,
have u ever heard telling intelliLADY. .??;-)
***********************************************************************************
Santa-yar banta apne India me sabhi
kutte kamjor q hote hai?
Banta:kyuki sab kutto ka khun 2
DHARAMENDER Pee jata hai.
************************************************************************************
Patni - Tum to kehte the ki shaadi ke
bad b mujhe khub pyaar karoge..
Pati- Sorry yaar! Mujhe maalum nahi tha
ki tumhari shaadi mujhse hogi ....
*************************************************************************************
Girl: Any proof?
Boy: We always say intelliGENT,
have u ever heard telling intelliLADY. .??;-)
***********************************************************************************
Santa-yar banta apne India me sabhi
kutte kamjor q hote hai?
Banta:kyuki sab kutto ka khun 2
DHARAMENDER Pee jata hai.
************************************************************************************
Patni - Tum to kehte the ki shaadi ke
bad b mujhe khub pyaar karoge..
Pati- Sorry yaar! Mujhe maalum nahi tha
ki tumhari shaadi mujhse hogi ....
*************************************************************************************
************************************************************************
Santa : Doctor help me, main jab baat karta Hun to muje sirf awaaz sunai deti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta.
Doctor : Aaisa kab hota hai?
Santa : Phone karte waqt.
*************************************************************************
**************************************************************************
Sardar : Shirt k Liye Koi Acha sa Kapda Dikha Do
SalesMan : Plain Me Dikha Dun..?
Sardar : Salay… Hawai Jahaz Me Jane Ki kya Zarurat Hai, Yahi pe Dikha Do. ................................................................................................................................................................................................
Passenger :
Ager Sub Trains Late Hon To
Time Table Ka Kya Faida ?
Pathan :
Ager SUb Trains Waqt Per Hon To
Waiting Room Ka Kya Faida . .
................................................................................................................................................................................................Santa Police se:Kal raat chor mere ghar se
TV ke AA lava sab samaan Le gaye.
Police:TV kyon nahi legaya??
Santa:TV to me dekh raha tha is liye..
******************************************************************************
Bacha: Miss hamarey ghar aaj bhai aane wala hey.
Miss: wo kasey?
Bacha: jab phichli bar ammi hospital main admit thee TU behan aae thi
Ab Abu admit hain…
********************************************************************************
Santa : Doctor help me, main jab baat karta Hun to muje sirf awaaz sunai deti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta.
Doctor : Aaisa kab hota hai?
Santa : Phone karte waqt.
*************************************************************************
**************************************************************************
Sardar : Shirt k Liye Koi Acha sa Kapda Dikha Do
SalesMan : Plain Me Dikha Dun..?
Sardar : Salay… Hawai Jahaz Me Jane Ki kya Zarurat Hai, Yahi pe Dikha Do. ................................................................................................................................................................................................
Passenger :
Ager Sub Trains Late Hon To
Time Table Ka Kya Faida ?
Pathan :
Ager SUb Trains Waqt Per Hon To
Waiting Room Ka Kya Faida . .
................................................................................................................................................................................................Santa Police se:Kal raat chor mere ghar se
TV ke AA lava sab samaan Le gaye.
Police:TV kyon nahi legaya??
Santa:TV to me dekh raha tha is liye..
******************************************************************************
Bacha: Miss hamarey ghar aaj bhai aane wala hey.
Miss: wo kasey?
Bacha: jab phichli bar ammi hospital main admit thee TU behan aae thi
Ab Abu admit hain…
********************************************************************************
Sunday, July 11, 2010
what is tension?
A beautiful girl asks lift from you. On the way she faints and you take
her to hospital.
Doctor says ‘Congrats. You are going to become a father.’
THAT’S IT. YOU GET TENSED.
You say – ‘But that baby is not mine.’
Girl says – ‘he is only the father of my baby.’
YOU HAVE MORE TENSION.
Police comes and DNA test is done. Report comes. Which says that you can
never become a father.
EVEN MORE TENSION FOR YOU.
Anyhow you thank God and return home. Then you think, “At home I have 2
kids. Whose are those?”
THIS IS REAL TENSION.
her to hospital.
Doctor says ‘Congrats. You are going to become a father.’
THAT’S IT. YOU GET TENSED.
You say – ‘But that baby is not mine.’
Girl says – ‘he is only the father of my baby.’
YOU HAVE MORE TENSION.
Police comes and DNA test is done. Report comes. Which says that you can
never become a father.
EVEN MORE TENSION FOR YOU.
Anyhow you thank God and return home. Then you think, “At home I have 2
kids. Whose are those?”
THIS IS REAL TENSION.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
a true love story
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean
they don't love you with all they have.
Ron and Ena were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were
walking past the hospital swimming pool. Ron suddenly jumped into the deep
end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Ena promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Ena heroic act she immediately
ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to
be mentally stable.
When doctor went to tell Ena the news doctor said, 'Ena, I have good news and bad
news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to
rationally
respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you
love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad
news is, Ron hung himself in the bat hr oom with his bat hr obe belt right
after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'
Ena replied….
.
.
.
.
..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?'
they don't love you with all they have.
Ron and Ena were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were
walking past the hospital swimming pool. Ron suddenly jumped into the deep
end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Ena promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Ena heroic act she immediately
ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to
be mentally stable.
When doctor went to tell Ena the news doctor said, 'Ena, I have good news and bad
news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to
rationally
respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you
love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad
news is, Ron hung himself in the bat hr oom with his bat hr obe belt right
after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'
Ena replied….
.
.
.
.
..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?'
blue tooth da jamana
boy ; waz your name?
Gal :- Q btau?
me tumhe janti bhi nahi
Boy :- mat batao me bhi kaunsa tumhe apni "FERRARI"me bitha raha hu.
Gal :- Anjali B.com,2nd year, tution time 6-8.
**********************************************************************************
Admi : Santa aap ka aik dant blue Q hai?
Santa : Yaar main ne ink lagayi hoyi hai,
Admi : Hain! Wo Q ji
Santa : oye khoty "bluetooth" da zamana hai.
**********************************************************************************
TEACHER Wo konsa DEPARTMENT hy jis me ORAT kaam nhi kr sakti
STUDENT FIRE BRIGADE
Teacher kyon
Student AURTON ka kaam AAG lgana hay bhujana nahi..
Gal :- Q btau?
me tumhe janti bhi nahi
Boy :- mat batao me bhi kaunsa tumhe apni "FERRARI"me bitha raha hu.
Gal :- Anjali B.com,2nd year, tution time 6-8.
**********************************************************************************
Admi : Santa aap ka aik dant blue Q hai?
Santa : Yaar main ne ink lagayi hoyi hai,
Admi : Hain! Wo Q ji
Santa : oye khoty "bluetooth" da zamana hai.
**********************************************************************************
TEACHER Wo konsa DEPARTMENT hy jis me ORAT kaam nhi kr sakti
STUDENT FIRE BRIGADE
Teacher kyon
Student AURTON ka kaam AAG lgana hay bhujana nahi..
please stop ..... embarresing
PART I: Arab student sends an e-mail to his Dad saying: Dear Dad,
Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad,
I am bit ashamed to arrive to my college with my Gold Mercedes, when
all my Teachers travel by train. Your Son
Nasser
PART II: Sometime later Nasser gets reply to
his e-mail from his Dad:Loving son, Twenty Million
Dollars transferred to your account, please stop...embarrassing
us, go and get yourself a train too. Your Dad
Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad,
I am bit ashamed to arrive to my college with my Gold Mercedes, when
all my Teachers travel by train. Your Son
Nasser
PART II: Sometime later Nasser gets reply to
his e-mail from his Dad:Loving son, Twenty Million
Dollars transferred to your account, please stop...embarrassing
us, go and get yourself a train too. Your Dad
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
parrot punch
A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said Rs 50/.
"Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.
The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said,"New house, new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's really not so bad."
When her two teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them and said,
"New house, new madam, new girls."
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.
Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said, "Hi Keith."
====AND THE FIGHT
"Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.
The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said,"New house, new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's really not so bad."
When her two teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them and said,
"New house, new madam, new girls."
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.
Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said, "Hi Keith."
====AND THE FIGHT
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
ha ha ha
"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass....it's about learning how to dance in the rain."
Be kinder than necessary,
Because everyone you meet
Is fighting some kind of battle.
Enjoy....& read it till the last
Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever -
What will come first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever U order first, will come first.
A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match. All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"
Postman: - I Have To Come 5 Miles to Deliver U This Packet
Sardar: - why did U come so far. Instead U could Have posted it....
A Sardar & his wife filed an application for Divorce.
Judge asked: How'll U divide your kids, U"VE 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We'll apply NEXT YEAR
Sardar's wish: when I die, I wana die like my Grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not Screaming like all d passengers in d car he was Driving..
A Teacher lecturing on population:
"In Indi a after every 10 secs a women gives birth to a kid. "
A Sardar stands up- "We must find & stop her!. "
A man: "Sardarji, tell me, why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in the evening not in the morning?"
Sardarji: ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''.
Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
The Chinese friend just says "CHIN YU YAN" and dies.
Sardarji goes to China to find the meaning of his friend's last Words.
And finds It means "U R STANDNG ON the OXYGEN TUBE!"
Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
His wife asked what you are doing.
He said-I am seeing how I look while sleeping.
Why did Sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking it?
Guess what...
To avoid side effects!!!
Man: Sardarji where were U born?
Sardarji: Punjab .
Man: Which part?
Sardar: Oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body Is born in Punjab Yaar".
Lawyer to Sardar: "Gita pe haath rakhkar kaho ke...... "
Sardar :"Yeh kya, sita pe haath lagaya to court mein Bulaya. Ab fir gita pe haath!!"
A Sardar saw a beautiful girl... He went and kissed her....
Girl said- "What R U doing...?"
Sardar replied- " B.COM from Khalsa college, Chandigar"
Sardar: For the past one week a girl is disturbing Me.
I don't know how she got my no, she interrupts whenever I call someone and says "please recharge your card"
A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a Sardarni painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket. Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.
She showed him the instructions on the tin, "For Best Results put on Two Coats"
A sardar was drawing money from ATM,
The sardar behind him in the line said, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password. Its 4 asterisks (****). "
The first sardar replies, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! U R wrong, Its 1258"
Q:) How do U recognize a sardar in school or College???
A:) They are the ones who erase their notebooks when the teacher erases the blackboard.. . BOLO tarara!!
Q:) Why did the sardarji sleep with a scale?
A:) Because he wanted to measure how long he has Slept....... .
Santa Singh MBBS
After finishing his MBBS, Dr. Santa Singh starts his Own practice.
He checked his first patient's Eyes, then the tongue, and finally the Ears using a torch.
Finally he said Battery is Ok !!!
Hahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!
Be kinder than necessary,
Because everyone you meet
Is fighting some kind of battle.
Enjoy....& read it till the last
Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever -
What will come first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever U order first, will come first.
A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match. All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"
Postman: - I Have To Come 5 Miles to Deliver U This Packet
Sardar: - why did U come so far. Instead U could Have posted it....
A Sardar & his wife filed an application for Divorce.
Judge asked: How'll U divide your kids, U"VE 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We'll apply NEXT YEAR
Sardar's wish: when I die, I wana die like my Grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not Screaming like all d passengers in d car he was Driving..
A Teacher lecturing on population:
"In Indi a after every 10 secs a women gives birth to a kid. "
A Sardar stands up- "We must find & stop her!. "
A man: "Sardarji, tell me, why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in the evening not in the morning?"
Sardarji: ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''.
Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
The Chinese friend just says "CHIN YU YAN" and dies.
Sardarji goes to China to find the meaning of his friend's last Words.
And finds It means "U R STANDNG ON the OXYGEN TUBE!"
Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
His wife asked what you are doing.
He said-I am seeing how I look while sleeping.
Why did Sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking it?
Guess what...
To avoid side effects!!!
Man: Sardarji where were U born?
Sardarji: Punjab .
Man: Which part?
Sardar: Oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body Is born in Punjab Yaar".
Lawyer to Sardar: "Gita pe haath rakhkar kaho ke...... "
Sardar :"Yeh kya, sita pe haath lagaya to court mein Bulaya. Ab fir gita pe haath!!"
A Sardar saw a beautiful girl... He went and kissed her....
Girl said- "What R U doing...?"
Sardar replied- " B.COM from Khalsa college, Chandigar"
Sardar: For the past one week a girl is disturbing Me.
I don't know how she got my no, she interrupts whenever I call someone and says "please recharge your card"
A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a Sardarni painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket. Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.
She showed him the instructions on the tin, "For Best Results put on Two Coats"
A sardar was drawing money from ATM,
The sardar behind him in the line said, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password. Its 4 asterisks (****). "
The first sardar replies, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! U R wrong, Its 1258"
Q:) How do U recognize a sardar in school or College???
A:) They are the ones who erase their notebooks when the teacher erases the blackboard.. . BOLO tarara!!
Q:) Why did the sardarji sleep with a scale?
A:) Because he wanted to measure how long he has Slept....... .
Santa Singh MBBS
After finishing his MBBS, Dr. Santa Singh starts his Own practice.
He checked his first patient's Eyes, then the tongue, and finally the Ears using a torch.
Finally he said Battery is Ok !!!
Hahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Some rules cannot be followed
A lady manager of a big reputed office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into her office.
"What is your name?" was the first thing she asked the new guy.
"John," the new guy replied.
She scowled, "Look... I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority.
I refer to my employees by their last name only ... Smith, Jones, Baker ...that's all.
I am to be referred to only as Mrs. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"
The new guy sighed, "Darling............ My name is John Darling."
"Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is . . . "
"What is your name?" was the first thing she asked the new guy.
"John," the new guy replied.
She scowled, "Look... I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority.
I refer to my employees by their last name only ... Smith, Jones, Baker ...that's all.
I am to be referred to only as Mrs. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"
The new guy sighed, "Darling............ My name is John Darling."
"Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is . . . "
CHIN U YAN
Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
The Chinese friend just says "CHIN YU YAN" and dies.
Sardarji goes to China to find the meaning of his friend's last Words.
And finds It means "U R STANDNG ON the OXYGEN TUBE"
~~~~~~~~~
Man: Sardarji where were U born?
Sardarji: Punjab.
Man: Which part?
Sardar: Oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body Is born in Punjab Yaar
~~~~~~~~~
Ek kabuter NE sardar te bith kar diti,
Sardar : ye teri maa NE tenu kachha pana nai sikhaya?
Kabuter : saaley TU kachha pa k karda aein?
~~~~~~~~~
A sardar was drawing money from ATM,
The sardar behind him in the line said,
"Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password. Its 4 asterisks (****)."
The first sardar replies, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! U R wrong, Its 1258"
~~~~~~~~~
The Chinese friend just says "CHIN YU YAN" and dies.
Sardarji goes to China to find the meaning of his friend's last Words.
And finds It means "U R STANDNG ON the OXYGEN TUBE"
~~~~~~~~~
Man: Sardarji where were U born?
Sardarji: Punjab.
Man: Which part?
Sardar: Oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body Is born in Punjab Yaar
~~~~~~~~~
Ek kabuter NE sardar te bith kar diti,
Sardar : ye teri maa NE tenu kachha pana nai sikhaya?
Kabuter : saaley TU kachha pa k karda aein?
~~~~~~~~~
A sardar was drawing money from ATM,
The sardar behind him in the line said,
"Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password. Its 4 asterisks (****)."
The first sardar replies, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! U R wrong, Its 1258"
~~~~~~~~~
munna bhai vs circuit
Munna: Teray ko maaloom hai k cigarette aik tarah say slow poison ka kaam karta hai.
Patient: To mujhay konsa marnay ki jaldi hai.
~~~~~~~~~
Munna: Abay Circuit! Jaa baajo walay ghar say Doctor ko bula k laa, meri tabiat kharab ho reli hai.
Circuit: Aey Bhai ! Aap to khud doctor ho.
Munna: Bolay to meri fees buhat zyada hai na.
Patient: To mujhay konsa marnay ki jaldi hai.
~~~~~~~~~
Munna: Abay Circuit! Jaa baajo walay ghar say Doctor ko bula k laa, meri tabiat kharab ho reli hai.
Circuit: Aey Bhai ! Aap to khud doctor ho.
Munna: Bolay to meri fees buhat zyada hai na.
If a STUDENT makes a mistake
If a BARBER makes a mistake, it's a new style.....................
*********
If a DRIVER makes a mistake, it's an accident.....................
*********
If a DOCTOR makes a mistake, it's an operation....................
*********
If an ENGINEER makes a mistake, it is a new venture...............
*********
If a POLITICIAN makes a mistake, it is a new law..................
*********
If a SCIENTIST makes a mistake, it is a new invention.............
*********
If a TAILOR makes a mistake, it is a new fashion..................
*********
If a TEACHER makes a mistake, it is a new theory..................
*********
If a STUDENT makes a mistake, it is a "MISTAKE" !!!!!!!!!!!!!
*********
If a DRIVER makes a mistake, it's an accident.....................
*********
If a DOCTOR makes a mistake, it's an operation....................
*********
If an ENGINEER makes a mistake, it is a new venture...............
*********
If a POLITICIAN makes a mistake, it is a new law..................
*********
If a SCIENTIST makes a mistake, it is a new invention.............
*********
If a TAILOR makes a mistake, it is a new fashion..................
*********
If a TEACHER makes a mistake, it is a new theory..................
*********
If a STUDENT makes a mistake, it is a "MISTAKE" !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Height of kanjusi
Height of Kanjoosi: Bania's house in fire,
He is gvng miss calls 2 Fire brigade
~~~~~~~~~
What makes a book bestseller?
A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl .. :)
~~~~~~~~~
What happens when a lion roars thrice?
-
-
-
-
-
Think
-
-
-
-
-
Any guess?
-
-
-
-
-
Ok, I will tell you..
-
-
-
-
-
Tom & Jerry cartoon begins!
He is gvng miss calls 2 Fire brigade
~~~~~~~~~
What makes a book bestseller?
A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl .. :)
~~~~~~~~~
What happens when a lion roars thrice?
-
-
-
-
-
Think
-
-
-
-
-
Any guess?
-
-
-
-
-
Ok, I will tell you..
-
-
-
-
-
Tom & Jerry cartoon begins!
Sunday, May 23, 2010
deadly pj
Ek nadi thi......uske upar ek pull bana hua tha.....pull par bahut saari
ladkiyan khadi thi......sab ki sab ek hi ladke ki deewani thi.....
Guess who was the lucky guy??????
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'KISNA'
Wanna know Why???
Jo hai albela mad naino wala...
jiski diwani BRIDGE ki har bala.....
woh kisna hai... woh kisna hai
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------
If a CAT crosses ur way , when u are going some where , then what does it
mean?
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It means that the Cat is also going somewhere
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------
Rahul gandhi --> Mom, aapaki wajah se meri shaadi nahi ho paaa rahi.
Sonia gandhi --> Kyun beta?
Rahul gandhi --> har taraf to likha hai ki sonia ko bahumat do
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------
BRUCE LEE was a great man. But after his sister gave birth to a baby he
became an ordinary man. Why?
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Because he became
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MAMU LEE
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Santa and Banta r discussing:
Santa----- 'if i drink coffee, i ca'nt sleep!!!!'
Banta----- 'with me it's the opposite. If i sleep i can't drink coffee.'
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------
One day Ravan went to a disco, aur wahan jaakar woh behosh ho gaya . Why?
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Bcoz it was written on the gate than 'entry fee Rs.1500 per head'
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------
Who make Ganesh to Anesh ?
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' KAILASH KHER '
....tere naam se ' G ' loon....
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------
Ek din ek aadmi apne naukar ko Priya Gold biscuit laane bolta hai. To
naukar biscuit laane Pakistan jaata hai. Kyon?
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Coz...
'Priya Gold biscuit. Haq se maango.'
(Inzamaam ul Haq lives in Pakistan )
:Enjoy yaar
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ladkiyan khadi thi......sab ki sab ek hi ladke ki deewani thi.....
Guess who was the lucky guy??????
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'KISNA'
Wanna know Why???
Jo hai albela mad naino wala...
jiski diwani BRIDGE ki har bala.....
woh kisna hai... woh kisna hai
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------
If a CAT crosses ur way , when u are going some where , then what does it
mean?
.
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It means that the Cat is also going somewhere
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------
Rahul gandhi --> Mom, aapaki wajah se meri shaadi nahi ho paaa rahi.
Sonia gandhi --> Kyun beta?
Rahul gandhi --> har taraf to likha hai ki sonia ko bahumat do
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------
BRUCE LEE was a great man. But after his sister gave birth to a baby he
became an ordinary man. Why?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Because he became
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
MAMU LEE
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------
Santa and Banta r discussing:
Santa----- 'if i drink coffee, i ca'nt sleep!!!!'
Banta----- 'with me it's the opposite. If i sleep i can't drink coffee.'
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------
One day Ravan went to a disco, aur wahan jaakar woh behosh ho gaya . Why?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Bcoz it was written on the gate than 'entry fee Rs.1500 per head'
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------
Who make Ganesh to Anesh ?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
' KAILASH KHER '
....tere naam se ' G ' loon....
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------
Ek din ek aadmi apne naukar ko Priya Gold biscuit laane bolta hai. To
naukar biscuit laane Pakistan jaata hai. Kyon?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Coz...
'Priya Gold biscuit. Haq se maango.'
(Inzamaam ul Haq lives in Pakistan )
:Enjoy yaar
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
DEATH AT JERUSALEM
.
A Man and his Wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the Wife passed away. The Undertaker told the Husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can Bury her Here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The Man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped Home. The Undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your Wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?" The Man replied, "Long ago a man called Jesus Christ died here, was buried here, and three days later He rose from the dead. I just can't take that Chance.
A Man and his Wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the Wife passed away. The Undertaker told the Husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can Bury her Here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The Man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped Home. The Undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your Wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?" The Man replied, "Long ago a man called Jesus Christ died here, was buried here, and three days later He rose from the dead. I just can't take that Chance.
Monday, May 17, 2010
the evillest GUJJU joke ever!!!!!!11
A family in Gujarat was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother (Ba) arrived from the US. It was sent by one of the daughters.
The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it when they opened the lid; they found a letter on top addressed to her brothers and sisters:
Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Smitaben and Varsha,
I am sending Ba's body to you, since it was her wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in GUJARAT.
Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leave is consumed.
You will find inside the coffin, under Ba's body, cans of cheese,
10 packets of Tobler chocolates and 8 packets of Badam (peanuts) please divide these among all of you.
On Ba's feet you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan. There are also 2 pairs of shoes for Radha's and Lakshmi's sons. Hope the sizes are correct.
Ba is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Mohan.
Just distribute the rest among yourselves.
The 2 new Jeans that Ba is wearing are for the boys.
The Swiss watch that Reema wanted is on Ba's left wrist.
Shanta masi, Ba is wearing the necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take them off her.
The 6 white cotton socks that Ba is wearing must be divided
among my nephews.
Please distribute all these fairly.
Love Smita.
PS : If anything more required let me know soon as Bapuji is also not feeling too well now a days.
The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it when they opened the lid; they found a letter on top addressed to her brothers and sisters:
Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Smitaben and Varsha,
I am sending Ba's body to you, since it was her wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in GUJARAT.
Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leave is consumed.
You will find inside the coffin, under Ba's body, cans of cheese,
10 packets of Tobler chocolates and 8 packets of Badam (peanuts) please divide these among all of you.
On Ba's feet you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan. There are also 2 pairs of shoes for Radha's and Lakshmi's sons. Hope the sizes are correct.
Ba is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Mohan.
Just distribute the rest among yourselves.
The 2 new Jeans that Ba is wearing are for the boys.
The Swiss watch that Reema wanted is on Ba's left wrist.
Shanta masi, Ba is wearing the necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take them off her.
The 6 white cotton socks that Ba is wearing must be divided
among my nephews.
Please distribute all these fairly.
Love Smita.
PS : If anything more required let me know soon as Bapuji is also not feeling too well now a days.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
old is gold
Vajpayie ji:Retire ho gaya hu,ji chahta hu ab shadi kar lu?
Advanee ji:Kar lo ji
Vajpayie ji:kisi Vidhwa se kar lu ji?
Advanee ji:Kuwari se kar lo ji,vidhwa to apne aap ho jayegi hehehehe!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji Electric shop me:2 pankhey dena-1 ladies aur 1 gents
salesman-pankho me ladies aur gents nahi hota
Sardarji-abey kaisey nahi hotta khottey(gadhey)
1 bajaj ka dena aur doosra usha ka :-)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
haryanvi chacha calls customer care:sar maari bhains ne maara sim kha lia aur bhag li
Customer care:Excuse me sir!issme mai kya karu??
Haryanvi chacha:Re tu manne ye bata ki roaming to na laagri...
JUST JOKING
Generation Next Motto: Na hum shaadi karenge, na apne bachchon ko karne denge.
******
"U love someone
U marry someone else.
The one u marry becomes ur wife or husband.
And the one u loved becomes the password of Ur mail id"
******
There's only one perfect child in the world & every mother has it.
There's only one perfect wife in the world & every neighbour has it.
******
If someone says u r ugly, its ok, if someone says u r stupid, its ok,
If someone says u r genius slap him as tight as you can n say there
is a limit of kidding n u r now crossing the limit.
******
Three dreams of a man:
To be as handsome as his mother thinks.
To be as rich as his child believes.
To have as many women as his wife suspects...
******
Husband & wife are like liver and kidney. Husband is liver & wife kidney.
If liver fails, kidney fails. If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney.
******
What's the diff between Dava &d Daru?
Dava is like girlfriend, that comes with expiry date and
Daru is like wife, Jitni purani hogi utna sir chad ke bolegi.
******
Wife ko Begum kyon kehte hain?
Kyonki shaadi ke baad saare gum to husband ke hisse mein aate hain or
wife Be-Gum ho jaat hai.
******
The Japanese have produced a camera that has such a fast shutter
speed it can take a picture of a woman with her mouth shut
******
"U love someone
U marry someone else.
The one u marry becomes ur wife or husband.
And the one u loved becomes the password of Ur mail id"
******
There's only one perfect child in the world & every mother has it.
There's only one perfect wife in the world & every neighbour has it.
******
If someone says u r ugly, its ok, if someone says u r stupid, its ok,
If someone says u r genius slap him as tight as you can n say there
is a limit of kidding n u r now crossing the limit.
******
Three dreams of a man:
To be as handsome as his mother thinks.
To be as rich as his child believes.
To have as many women as his wife suspects...
******
Husband & wife are like liver and kidney. Husband is liver & wife kidney.
If liver fails, kidney fails. If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney.
******
What's the diff between Dava &d Daru?
Dava is like girlfriend, that comes with expiry date and
Daru is like wife, Jitni purani hogi utna sir chad ke bolegi.
******
Wife ko Begum kyon kehte hain?
Kyonki shaadi ke baad saare gum to husband ke hisse mein aate hain or
wife Be-Gum ho jaat hai.
******
The Japanese have produced a camera that has such a fast shutter
speed it can take a picture of a woman with her mouth shut
FUN TIME
Sardar : My mobile bill how much?
Call Centre Girl : Sir, just dial 123to know current bill status
Sardar : Stupid, not CURRENT BILL MY MOBILE BILL.
************************************************************
Friend : I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife!
Sardar : Wow!!! That's an unbelievable exchange offer!!!
************************************************************
Teacher : Which is the oldest animal in world?
Sardar : ZEBRA
Teacher : How?
Sardar : Bcoz it is Black & White
***********************************************************
Judge : Don't U have shame? It is d 3rd time U R coming to court..
Sardar to judge : U R coming daily, don't U have shame?
***********************************************************
Question : "Should Women have Children after 35?"
Smart Sardar Replied : "No!
35 Children R More than Enough!!"
***********************************************************
Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.
Manager : Do U know MS Office?
Sardar : If U give me the address I will go there sir.
**********************************************************
Sardar got a sms from his girl friend: "I MISS YOU"
Sardarji replied: "I Mr YOU" !!.
**********************************************************
After finishing MBBS Sardar started his practice. He Checked 1st Patient's
Eyes, Tongue & Ears By Torch & Finallly Said:
"Torch is okay"
**********************************************************
Sardar1: Oye, what will happen if electricity is not discovered?
Sardar2: Nothing, we must watch TV in candle light.
**********************************************************
Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay .... While its landing he shouted: " Bombay
... Bombay "
Air hostess said : "B silent."
Sardar : "Ok.. Ombay. Ombay"
**********************************************************
Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?"
Sardar: "All are born on government holidays...!!!
***********************************************************
Sir : What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sardar : Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE
Call Centre Girl : Sir, just dial 123to know current bill status
Sardar : Stupid, not CURRENT BILL MY MOBILE BILL.
************************************************************
Friend : I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife!
Sardar : Wow!!! That's an unbelievable exchange offer!!!
************************************************************
Teacher : Which is the oldest animal in world?
Sardar : ZEBRA
Teacher : How?
Sardar : Bcoz it is Black & White
***********************************************************
Judge : Don't U have shame? It is d 3rd time U R coming to court..
Sardar to judge : U R coming daily, don't U have shame?
***********************************************************
Question : "Should Women have Children after 35?"
Smart Sardar Replied : "No!
35 Children R More than Enough!!"
***********************************************************
Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.
Manager : Do U know MS Office?
Sardar : If U give me the address I will go there sir.
**********************************************************
Sardar got a sms from his girl friend: "I MISS YOU"
Sardarji replied: "I Mr YOU" !!.
**********************************************************
After finishing MBBS Sardar started his practice. He Checked 1st Patient's
Eyes, Tongue & Ears By Torch & Finallly Said:
"Torch is okay"
**********************************************************
Sardar1: Oye, what will happen if electricity is not discovered?
Sardar2: Nothing, we must watch TV in candle light.
**********************************************************
Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay .... While its landing he shouted: " Bombay
... Bombay "
Air hostess said : "B silent."
Sardar : "Ok.. Ombay. Ombay"
**********************************************************
Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?"
Sardar: "All are born on government holidays...!!!
***********************************************************
Sir : What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sardar : Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE
superb
I Met money one day. I said,
"You are just a piece of paper."
Money smiled and said, "Of course I'm a piece
Of paper, but I haven't seen a dustbin yet, in my life".
"You are just a piece of paper."
Money smiled and said, "Of course I'm a piece
Of paper, but I haven't seen a dustbin yet, in my life".
bee joke
Patient- please doctor help me. I have been stung by a bee.
Doctor- dont worry . I'll put some cream on it.
Pat..-u'll never find the bee. It must be miles away by now.
Doc..- no no please understand. I'll put some cream on the place u were stung.
Pat..-oh! It happened in the garden where I was sitting under a tree.
Doc..- u #$%&! I mean in which part of the body did the bee sting.
Pat..- it stung me on my finger.
Doc..- which one?
Pat..-how am I to know? All the bees look the same to me
Doctor- dont worry . I'll put some cream on it.
Pat..-u'll never find the bee. It must be miles away by now.
Doc..- no no please understand. I'll put some cream on the place u were stung.
Pat..-oh! It happened in the garden where I was sitting under a tree.
Doc..- u #$%&! I mean in which part of the body did the bee sting.
Pat..- it stung me on my finger.
Doc..- which one?
Pat..-how am I to know? All the bees look the same to me
letter to god
A little boy wanted Rs.50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened.
Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting the Rs.50.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, INDIA, they decided to forward it to the President of the India as a joke..
The President was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy Rs.20.
The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money (Rs.50) to a little boy, and he did not want to spoil the kid.
The little boy was delighted with Rs.20, and decided to write a thank you note to God, which read:
"Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that you sent it through the Rashtrapati Bhavan in New Delhi, and those donkeys deducted Rs.30 as tax ...
Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting the Rs.50.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, INDIA, they decided to forward it to the President of the India as a joke..
The President was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy Rs.20.
The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money (Rs.50) to a little boy, and he did not want to spoil the kid.
The little boy was delighted with Rs.20, and decided to write a thank you note to God, which read:
"Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that you sent it through the Rashtrapati Bhavan in New Delhi, and those donkeys deducted Rs.30 as tax ...
the secret to the good life
A doctor on his morning walk, noticed the old lady above,
Sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said,
"I couldn't help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?"
"I smoke ten cigars a day," she said. "Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint.
Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and eat only junk food.
On weekends, I pop pills, get laid, and don't exercise at all."
"That is absolutely amazing! How old are you?"
"Thirty-four," she replied.
Sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said,
"I couldn't help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?"
"I smoke ten cigars a day," she said. "Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint.
Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and eat only junk food.
On weekends, I pop pills, get laid, and don't exercise at all."
"That is absolutely amazing! How old are you?"
"Thirty-four," she replied.
Learning Alfabet The Punjaabi Way!
Say them out loud.... :)
Learning Alfabet The Punjaabi Way!
A is for Aiscreame
B is for Backside, and it has nothing to do with your butt. It is an
instruction to go to the rear of a building, or block, or shop or whatever.
C is for Cloney and its not a process for replicating sheep, nor is its
first name George. It is merely an area where people live e.g. 'Defence
Cloney'.
D is for the proverbial 'Dangar da Puttar'
E is for Expanditure, the spending of money
F is for Fackade, and even though it sounds like a bad word it is actually
just the front of a building
G is for Gaddi, and the way a Punjabi can pilot his gaddi puts any F1
driver to shame.
H is for 'Ho Jayega Ji', and the moment you hear that you have to be
careful because you can be reasonably sure it's not going to happen.
I is for Intzaar, and to know more about it see P.
J is for Jutt, which every Punjabi seems to be.
K is for Khanna, Khurana, etc, the Punjabi equivalent of the Joneses
(e.g.'Keeping up with the Khuranas ji')
L is for Loin, the king of the jungle
M is for 'Mrooti', the car that an entire generation of Punjabis were in
love with.
N is for 'No Problem Ji.' To find out how that works see H.
O is for Oye, which can be surprise (Oyye!), a greeting (Oyy!), anger
(OYY!) or pain (Oy oy oy....).
P is for Punj Mint, and no matter how near (1 km) or far(100 km) a Punjabi
is from you he always says he'll reach you in punj mint (5 minutes...).
Q is for Queue, a word completely untranslatable into Punjabi - does not
exist in the culture.
R is for Riks, and a Punjabi is always prepared to take one (risk), even if
the odds are against him.
S is for Sweetie, Sunny, Simmi and Sonu, who seem to own half the cars in
Delhi .
T is for the official bird of Punjab : Tandoori Chickun.
U is for when you lose your sex appeal and become 'Uncul-ji'
V is for VIP phone numbers @ Rs 15 lakh and counting.
W is for Whan, as in 'Whan are you coming, ji?'
X is for the many X-rated words that flow freely in Punjabi conversations.
Y is for 'You nonsanse', when anger replaces vocabulary in a shouting
match.
Z is for Zindgi which every Punjabi knows how to live to the fullest.--
Learning Alfabet The Punjaabi Way!
A is for Aiscreame
B is for Backside, and it has nothing to do with your butt. It is an
instruction to go to the rear of a building, or block, or shop or whatever.
C is for Cloney and its not a process for replicating sheep, nor is its
first name George. It is merely an area where people live e.g. 'Defence
Cloney'.
D is for the proverbial 'Dangar da Puttar'
E is for Expanditure, the spending of money
F is for Fackade, and even though it sounds like a bad word it is actually
just the front of a building
G is for Gaddi, and the way a Punjabi can pilot his gaddi puts any F1
driver to shame.
H is for 'Ho Jayega Ji', and the moment you hear that you have to be
careful because you can be reasonably sure it's not going to happen.
I is for Intzaar, and to know more about it see P.
J is for Jutt, which every Punjabi seems to be.
K is for Khanna, Khurana, etc, the Punjabi equivalent of the Joneses
(e.g.'Keeping up with the Khuranas ji')
L is for Loin, the king of the jungle
M is for 'Mrooti', the car that an entire generation of Punjabis were in
love with.
N is for 'No Problem Ji.' To find out how that works see H.
O is for Oye, which can be surprise (Oyye!), a greeting (Oyy!), anger
(OYY!) or pain (Oy oy oy....).
P is for Punj Mint, and no matter how near (1 km) or far(100 km) a Punjabi
is from you he always says he'll reach you in punj mint (5 minutes...).
Q is for Queue, a word completely untranslatable into Punjabi - does not
exist in the culture.
R is for Riks, and a Punjabi is always prepared to take one (risk), even if
the odds are against him.
S is for Sweetie, Sunny, Simmi and Sonu, who seem to own half the cars in
Delhi .
T is for the official bird of Punjab : Tandoori Chickun.
U is for when you lose your sex appeal and become 'Uncul-ji'
V is for VIP phone numbers @ Rs 15 lakh and counting.
W is for Whan, as in 'Whan are you coming, ji?'
X is for the many X-rated words that flow freely in Punjabi conversations.
Y is for 'You nonsanse', when anger replaces vocabulary in a shouting
match.
Z is for Zindgi which every Punjabi knows how to live to the fullest.--
Sheikh's son
Sheikh's son goes to Germany to study. A month later, he sends a letter to his dad saying:
"Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,but I'm a bit ashamed to arrive to school with my gold Mercedes when all my teachers travel by train."
Sometime later he gets a letter from his dad with a ten million dollar cheque saying:
"Stop embarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too"
"Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,but I'm a bit ashamed to arrive to school with my gold Mercedes when all my teachers travel by train."
Sometime later he gets a letter from his dad with a ten million dollar cheque saying:
"Stop embarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too"
Saturday, May 15, 2010
divorce vs murder
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up
to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, 'I would
like to buy some cyanide.'
The pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world do you need cyanide?'
The lady replied, 'I need it to poison my husband.'
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, 'Lord have mercy! I
can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law!
I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of
bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!'
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her
husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, 'Well now, that's
different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription.
to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, 'I would
like to buy some cyanide.'
The pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world do you need cyanide?'
The lady replied, 'I need it to poison my husband.'
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, 'Lord have mercy! I
can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law!
I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of
bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!'
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her
husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, 'Well now, that's
different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription.
[TheICSalumni] Making people happy...!!!
Laloo, Jayalalitha, and Mayavati are on a long flight in an Air Force plane.
Laloo pulls out a 100 Rupee note and says, "I'm going to throw this Rs.100 note out and make someone down below happy."
Jayalalitha, not wanting to be outdone, says, "If that was my 100 Rupee note, I would change it into two Rs.50 notes, throw them down and make two people down below happy."
Of course Mayavati doesn't want these two candidates to out do her so she pipes in, 'I would instead take one hundred Rs.1 notes and throw them out to make 100 people just a little happier.
At this point the pilot, who has overheard all this bragging and can't stand it anymore, comes out and says, "If I throw all three of you out of this plane, I'll make 975 million people happy!"
Cheers !!!
Laloo pulls out a 100 Rupee note and says, "I'm going to throw this Rs.100 note out and make someone down below happy."
Jayalalitha, not wanting to be outdone, says, "If that was my 100 Rupee note, I would change it into two Rs.50 notes, throw them down and make two people down below happy."
Of course Mayavati doesn't want these two candidates to out do her so she pipes in, 'I would instead take one hundred Rs.1 notes and throw them out to make 100 people just a little happier.
At this point the pilot, who has overheard all this bragging and can't stand it anymore, comes out and says, "If I throw all three of you out of this plane, I'll make 975 million people happy!"
Cheers !!!
smile it Looks good on you
• Why do Bride & Groom exchange varmaala during wedding ?
To tell each other affectionately.... Sweetheart U R Dead !
*************
• Different Phases of a man:
After engagement: Superman
After Marriage: Gentleman
After 10 years: Watchman
After 20 years: Doberman
*************
• There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbour has it
*************
• Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
*************
• How Dogs and Women are alike?
Neither believe that silence is golden, neither can balance a checkbook, and Both put too much value on kissing
*************
• The world's thinnest book has only one word written in it: Everything and the book is titled: "What Woman Want!"
*************
• A man who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.
A man who surrenders when he's NOT SURE, is WISE.
A man who surrenders when he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND
*************
• Galfriends r like chocolates, taste gud anytime.
Lovers r like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.
Husbands r like Dal RICE, eaten when there`s no choice
*************
• Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
*************
• Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!
*************
• There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go thruogh hell for her. They got married and now he is going thru hell.
*************
• Ek aadmi apni biwi ka antim sanskar karke ghar ja raha tha. Achanak bijli chamki, badal garje, jor se barish start ho gayi.
Dukhi aadmi: Lagta hai pahunch gayi..
*************
• On Jeeto's bday Santa had no money, so he sent a cheque of 100 kisses.
When he returns home Jeeto said: Thanks I got cheque cashed from bank manager.
*************
• Jitne channel TV ke, utne nakhre Biwi ke.
TV chalta remote se, Biwi chalti hai note se.
*************
• Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!
*************
• Husband wife ki godh mein leta hua thaa. Wife: Kaisa lag raha hai ji.
Husband: Aise jaise bhagwaan Vishnu Shesh naag ki godh mein lete Hon.
*************
• Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!
*************
• Life is a paradox-what u want u don't get(luv), what u get, u don't njoy(marriage), what u njoy is not permanent(galfriend), what is permanent is boring(wife)
*************
• What men want: A woman who can cook, a woman who earns good money, a woman who loves him & system to make sure that those 3 women never meet each other!
*************
• Lady 2 her maid: Oh Kanta, I hv reason to suspect that my husband is having an affair with his secretary."
Kanta : I don't believe it! U r just saying that 2 make me jealous!"
To tell each other affectionately.... Sweetheart U R Dead !
*************
• Different Phases of a man:
After engagement: Superman
After Marriage: Gentleman
After 10 years: Watchman
After 20 years: Doberman
*************
• There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbour has it
*************
• Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
*************
• How Dogs and Women are alike?
Neither believe that silence is golden, neither can balance a checkbook, and Both put too much value on kissing
*************
• The world's thinnest book has only one word written in it: Everything and the book is titled: "What Woman Want!"
*************
• A man who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.
A man who surrenders when he's NOT SURE, is WISE.
A man who surrenders when he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND
*************
• Galfriends r like chocolates, taste gud anytime.
Lovers r like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.
Husbands r like Dal RICE, eaten when there`s no choice
*************
• Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
*************
• Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!
*************
• There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go thruogh hell for her. They got married and now he is going thru hell.
*************
• Ek aadmi apni biwi ka antim sanskar karke ghar ja raha tha. Achanak bijli chamki, badal garje, jor se barish start ho gayi.
Dukhi aadmi: Lagta hai pahunch gayi..
*************
• On Jeeto's bday Santa had no money, so he sent a cheque of 100 kisses.
When he returns home Jeeto said: Thanks I got cheque cashed from bank manager.
*************
• Jitne channel TV ke, utne nakhre Biwi ke.
TV chalta remote se, Biwi chalti hai note se.
*************
• Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!
*************
• Husband wife ki godh mein leta hua thaa. Wife: Kaisa lag raha hai ji.
Husband: Aise jaise bhagwaan Vishnu Shesh naag ki godh mein lete Hon.
*************
• Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!
*************
• Life is a paradox-what u want u don't get(luv), what u get, u don't njoy(marriage), what u njoy is not permanent(galfriend), what is permanent is boring(wife)
*************
• What men want: A woman who can cook, a woman who earns good money, a woman who loves him & system to make sure that those 3 women never meet each other!
*************
• Lady 2 her maid: Oh Kanta, I hv reason to suspect that my husband is having an affair with his secretary."
Kanta : I don't believe it! U r just saying that 2 make me jealous!"
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
AND FINALLY THE LAST ONE NOT THE LEAST
Why are Indian husbands called "MADE OF SILVER"
And Why are American husbands called "MADE OF GOLD"
Socho
Thoda sur Socho
?
?
Socho Socho....
?
Nahi Aata
Bcoz
Indian wives call their husband "A g" (Scientific Symbol for Silver)
American wives call their husband "A u" (Scientific Symbol for Gold....)
And Why are American husbands called "MADE OF GOLD"
Socho
Thoda sur Socho
?
?
Socho Socho....
?
Nahi Aata
Bcoz
Indian wives call their husband "A g" (Scientific Symbol for Silver)
American wives call their husband "A u" (Scientific Symbol for Gold....)
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Very interesting…… Coolest doubt in Mahabharat...............
In some remote village of India, one masterji is teaching the Mahabharat katha to class 6 students.
He is at the 'krishnajanma' part of it. Masterji:
"Kansa heard the akashwani that his sister's 8th child is going to kill him. He was furious. He ordered to put vasudev and devki behind the bars.
First son is born, and kansa kills him by poisoning... Second one is born n kansa throws him off the mountain peak. Third one is born.
Now Ramu, who is smartest of the lot, puts up his hand.
Masterji, I have a doubt (sounding nervous and confused)
Masterji: "Ramu bete, whole India does not have doubt in Mahabharata then how come u have one?"
Ramu : Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki's 8th child was going to kill him,
WHY THE HELL DID HE PUT VASUDEV AND DEVAKI IN THE SAME CELL???#%$*^!&...
Masterji fainted
He is at the 'krishnajanma' part of it. Masterji:
"Kansa heard the akashwani that his sister's 8th child is going to kill him. He was furious. He ordered to put vasudev and devki behind the bars.
First son is born, and kansa kills him by poisoning... Second one is born n kansa throws him off the mountain peak. Third one is born.
Now Ramu, who is smartest of the lot, puts up his hand.
Masterji, I have a doubt (sounding nervous and confused)
Masterji: "Ramu bete, whole India does not have doubt in Mahabharata then how come u have one?"
Ramu : Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki's 8th child was going to kill him,
WHY THE HELL DID HE PUT VASUDEV AND DEVAKI IN THE SAME CELL???#%$*^!&...
Masterji fainted
Thursday, May 6, 2010
hasna mana hai
Wife: Aap bahut mote ho gaye ho.
Santa: Tum bhi toh kitni moti ho gayi ho,
Wife: Main toh maa banne wali hoon!
Santa: Main bhi toh baap banne wala hoon.
***********************************************
Ek aadmi bada dukhi tha!
Ek dost NE uss se poocha, œKyu, tension mein ho.
Aadmi: Yaar ek dost ko plastic surgery ke liye 2 lakh rupeey diye thay, AB saale ko peehchan nahi pa raha hoon!
*****************************************************
Customer: Ek kilo gaay(cow) ka doodh dena.
Shopkeper: Lekin tumhara bartan toh bahut chhota hai.
Customer: Theek hai toh phir bakri ka de de.
*******************************************************
Santa: Yaar aaj pehli bar Maine accha kaam kya, jiss par logon NE mujhe bohat mara!
Banta: Who kya..
Santa: Ek makan mein aag lagi thi, aur andar kuch log thay, Maine window tori aur andar ja kar sab logon ko bahar nikal diya.
Banta: Toh logon NE kyun mara
Santa: Yaar, kyun ke who sab log fire fighter thay!
****************************************************
Mallika arrived at a Railway Station for a shooting.
Bhikhari: Behanji 1 rupiya dedo.
Malika gave him 1000 Rs.
Secretary: Why u gave him 1000 Rs..?
Malika: Pehli bar kisine behan kaha!
***************************************************
Pathan Kaun Banega Crorepati Mein:
Q: What is you father name?
Pathan: Plz Options?
A. Dilawar
B. Changez
C. Feroz
D. Sultan
Pathan: Life line 50/50
A. Dilawar
C. Feroze
Pathan: Audience Vote.
75% Dilawar
25% Feroze
Pathan: I want to use My last life line œPhone a friend.
Kisko call karengy?
******************************************************
Ek larka apni girlfriend se milne gaya, kuch baat ke baad uski girlfirend chaye(tea) banane ke liye kitchen chali gayi.
Girlfriend ka mobile sofay pe dekh kar larky NE socha ke chalo dekhte hai mera number iss NE kis naam se save kya hai?
Dear, sweetu ya jaanu.
Jab usne misscall di toh screen pe likh raha tha œMurgha No.5? Calling .
*******************************************************
Pappu ek party mein gaya aur waha usne 8 butter naan kha liye.
Kuch der baad toilet mein pet pakad ke ro raha tha bhagwan se request kar raha tha ki, œHey bhagwan ya toh jaan nikal de ya naan nikal de!
********************************************************
Maalik: Tum bathroom mein kyu ghus aaye, Kya tumhe pata nahi tha ki mein naha raha hoon?
Naukar: Hazur galti ho gayi, mein samjha tha begum sahiba hai.
***********************************************************
Ek 10 saal ka bachha bahot dhyan se ek book pad raha tha, jiska title tha: œKids ka paalan poshan kaise kare .
Mother: Tum yeh book kyon pad rahe ho.
Kid: Main yeh dekhna chahta hoon ke mera paalan poshan theek Tara se ho raha hai ya nahi.
************************************************************
Ek chor amir aadmi ke ghar mein chori karne gaya. Tijori pe likha tha œTijori ko todne ki jaroorat nahi hai, 452 number press karke sahmne vala lal batan dabao, tijori khul jayegi. Jaise hi batan daba alarm Baja aur police AA gayi.
Jate jate chor Seth se bola: Aaj mera insaaniyat se vishwas uth gaya hai!
****************************************************************
Santa: Tum bhi toh kitni moti ho gayi ho,
Wife: Main toh maa banne wali hoon!
Santa: Main bhi toh baap banne wala hoon.
***********************************************
Ek aadmi bada dukhi tha!
Ek dost NE uss se poocha, œKyu, tension mein ho.
Aadmi: Yaar ek dost ko plastic surgery ke liye 2 lakh rupeey diye thay, AB saale ko peehchan nahi pa raha hoon!
*****************************************************
Customer: Ek kilo gaay(cow) ka doodh dena.
Shopkeper: Lekin tumhara bartan toh bahut chhota hai.
Customer: Theek hai toh phir bakri ka de de.
*******************************************************
Santa: Yaar aaj pehli bar Maine accha kaam kya, jiss par logon NE mujhe bohat mara!
Banta: Who kya..
Santa: Ek makan mein aag lagi thi, aur andar kuch log thay, Maine window tori aur andar ja kar sab logon ko bahar nikal diya.
Banta: Toh logon NE kyun mara
Santa: Yaar, kyun ke who sab log fire fighter thay!
****************************************************
Mallika arrived at a Railway Station for a shooting.
Bhikhari: Behanji 1 rupiya dedo.
Malika gave him 1000 Rs.
Secretary: Why u gave him 1000 Rs..?
Malika: Pehli bar kisine behan kaha!
***************************************************
Pathan Kaun Banega Crorepati Mein:
Q: What is you father name?
Pathan: Plz Options?
A. Dilawar
B. Changez
C. Feroz
D. Sultan
Pathan: Life line 50/50
A. Dilawar
C. Feroze
Pathan: Audience Vote.
75% Dilawar
25% Feroze
Pathan: I want to use My last life line œPhone a friend.
Kisko call karengy?
******************************************************
Ek larka apni girlfriend se milne gaya, kuch baat ke baad uski girlfirend chaye(tea) banane ke liye kitchen chali gayi.
Girlfriend ka mobile sofay pe dekh kar larky NE socha ke chalo dekhte hai mera number iss NE kis naam se save kya hai?
Dear, sweetu ya jaanu.
Jab usne misscall di toh screen pe likh raha tha œMurgha No.5? Calling .
*******************************************************
Pappu ek party mein gaya aur waha usne 8 butter naan kha liye.
Kuch der baad toilet mein pet pakad ke ro raha tha bhagwan se request kar raha tha ki, œHey bhagwan ya toh jaan nikal de ya naan nikal de!
********************************************************
Maalik: Tum bathroom mein kyu ghus aaye, Kya tumhe pata nahi tha ki mein naha raha hoon?
Naukar: Hazur galti ho gayi, mein samjha tha begum sahiba hai.
***********************************************************
Ek 10 saal ka bachha bahot dhyan se ek book pad raha tha, jiska title tha: œKids ka paalan poshan kaise kare .
Mother: Tum yeh book kyon pad rahe ho.
Kid: Main yeh dekhna chahta hoon ke mera paalan poshan theek Tara se ho raha hai ya nahi.
************************************************************
Ek chor amir aadmi ke ghar mein chori karne gaya. Tijori pe likha tha œTijori ko todne ki jaroorat nahi hai, 452 number press karke sahmne vala lal batan dabao, tijori khul jayegi. Jaise hi batan daba alarm Baja aur police AA gayi.
Jate jate chor Seth se bola: Aaj mera insaaniyat se vishwas uth gaya hai!
****************************************************************